some thoughts on stress, anxiety, depression, emotional health, and the Atonement

So I sent this email to some of my close family & friends. Then I read through it and I thought "I should post this on a blog so other people can learn what I'm learning." And then I remembered that I already have a blog! I just haven't posted anything in 2+ years. So here we go. Maybe I'll even start sharing more stuff :)

So here's a link: Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety http://www.stresscenter.com/mwc/

This is a stress & anxiety program which includes cd's that I am borrowing from my visiting teacher. I'm only on the second cd, but I can already tell there is a lot truth in what they teach and that truth resonates within me and clicks with gospel principles I have learned. I think this could benefit you guys. If you go the website there is a way to try their whole program (cd's + other stuff) for free- so long as you send back most of the materials within some window of time. I don't trust myself to send stuff back so I'm not choosing to do that. If I listen to all of the cd's and feel like I should then I probably will :)

Anyways, I hope you guys make use of this, or at the very least check out the website and the various free information they have. What I'm hearing in the cd's is a lot about how to be emotionally healthy-- even when you have an emotional illness such as anxiety, depression, or OCD. They liken dealing with these things to dealing with addictions-- you have to retrain your brain, work hard, accept what it is you struggle with, and work to get to recovery.

I think that emotional health is something that isn't taught much these days. The chief place for it to be learned is in the home, and even if we grow up in a home with parents who are loving and nurturing, anxiety & depression are things that require an extra study in how to be emotionally healthy. I'm grateful for what my mom has taught me, and I'm grateful for the resources the Lord provides me which help me to continue recovering from my anxiety and depression. (Some of these resources include my church, the scriptures, LDS social services, and Heart t' Heart resources.)

Tonight I'm listening to cd #2, which talks about self-talk. I'd like to share some thoughts I had while listening tonight. They were talking about how those of us with anxiety often work ourselves into a panic attack with negative self talk, and how when we learn to talk to ourselves positively we can actuallyhead off panic attacks. This reminded me of something cool I've experienced in the last couple of years.

So a couple years ago I discovered that I have this one PMS day a month where I'll get a bit of an emotional break-down. {{Yes, I really am talking about PMS on my blog. Because conversations like these don't phase me. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. It doesn't get any worse in this story, though, so don't worry. If you are like me and it doesn't phase you, then you should consider reading some posts by The Weed.}} I don't really remember how I realized this, I just remember being astounded when I thought back a few months and could see this pattern every single month. Since realizing this I've come a long way. I remember this monumental day about a year ago (give or take a month) when I was at BYU-I. I was sitting in the Ricks building (aka the building of awesomeness aka the building with a Cassanndre-friendly study place) and started to feel anxious. It was like I could feel a panic attack coming on. I don't even remember what it was about, but it was something small. I remember checking my calendar and saying to myself "Yep, my period is a week and half away. That's probably what this is about." And then something awesome happened: I realized that it wasn't a big deal, it was just my monthly mini-panic-attack, and I knew I'd be okay. I went back to studying. Any you know what? I didn't get a panic attack! Yep, that's right. As I was listening to the MWC cd tonight I remembered that event and i realized that I had essentially talked myself out of getting a panic attack. Yes, indeedy. And then I thought about how it's been in the past year. There have been months when I've gotten weepy or anxious or something silly only to realize afterwards what it was due to, but there have also been months when I've noticed it coming on, realized what it was, and headed off a panic attack- successfully riding out my anxiety and keeping it from disrupting whatever I'm doing. This is awesome and I'm happy about it.

So my question for myself is this-- if I can do this with my PMS-anxiety, is there any (good) reason I can't do that with my general anxiety? Me-thinketh-not. My question for each of you is this-- if I can do it, can you? I think so (in my head that sentence sounds kind of cocky... except instead of being cocky about myself I'm being cocky about you guys haha.)

Once upon a time I had an awesome middle school counselor named Betty McCadden. I remember one conversation I had with her when I was super super depressed and had a lot of questions about what I was going through. I remember her telling me that she thought I had all the answers already inside me (except it sounded less cheesy the way she said it). That has stuck with me over the past 8 years.There's a quote I heard tonight which echos closely what Mrs. McCadden told me:

"You are searching for the magic key that will unlock the door to the source of power; and yet you have the key in your own hands, and you may use it the moment you learn to control your thoughts." -Napolean Hill

Sometimes, though, I don't actually have the answers I'm looking for and no amount of mental self-control will produce them. But I know where to turn to get answers. I know how to pray. I know my Heavenly Father hears me, loves me, and cares about me. I know that if I am willing to listen, He will give me answers I'm looking for through the Holy Ghost.

I also know that it is by the power of the Atonement that we each may find healing and recovery from the things we struggle with. I know that Christ loves all of us and I know that He leads us to the people and tools we need to partake of His healing.