friendship and happiness

"bear one another's burdens, that they may be light"  -Mosiah 18:8
I was talking to a friend today about friendship.  When you choose to be happy- and learn how,  you find that a lot of negative people drop out of your life, and a lot of positive ones drop in.  It's not really a conscious decision, it's just that we attract people like ourselves.  when we're miserable, we tend to hang out with other miserable people.  when we're happy, healthy people, we find ourselves surrounded by other happy people.  you see, sometimes good, well-intending, caring people try to help other people bear their burdens, however they get caught up in it- and then those burdens never become light, they just get shared around and continue to make everyone miserable.  that's not how God wants it to be.
"...and men are that they might have joy." (2 Ne 2:25)  Help someone bear their burden, and then be happy.
The verses following "bear one another's burdens" include mourning with those that mourn, standing with those that are in need of comfort, and standing as a witness of God at all times, in all things, and all places.  And then we are told what the point is for doing all of this: "that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life".
My friend pointed out that the result of loving and helping others is interestingly self-centered in a way.  When I make a pattern of helping people selflessly, the result is an eternity of God-like happiness for me.
So don't get caught up in drama and suffering.  Help people when they're hurting, but don't forget the end goal.  The end goal is to be with God, to be like God, and to be happy.  And while being physically with and truly like God are things that will take quite some time, being happy doesn't have to.  Being happy can happen just as soon as you learn to live your life happily.  And when you remember this end goal, the people you help will be better off.  Your happiness will rub off on them, and truly help their burdens to become light.

it always works out at the temple

so today, I decided i was going to go do baptisms before work.  this isn't too hard, since the temple is 30 minutes away from my house, and 10 minutes away from my work.  i left a little later than planned, but figured it wasn't a big deal.  well, last week the seattle temple declared itself open to walk-in baptisms for the summer. for the first time ever, as far as i know.  apparently they've had  favorable response (one sister told me they had 100 people come in the other day).  so, when i got there, the baptistry was by no means swamped, but it was a little backed up.  i was a little nervous about getting done in time for work.  since the temple is sacred and we're not supposed to worried about time or anything.... and i'm a little shy at times... i didn't want to interrupt anyone and ask if i could be placed ahead in line.  i just kinda didn't feel comfortable asking about it.  i prayed, though, "please help me to get done in time for work!" and decided to trust Heavenly Father to take care of me.  i was a bit anxious, but not terribly so.  one of the sisters working in the baptistry today came and sat by me.  we chatted quietly for a moment and the conversation turned to what i do and i mentioned that i am working today.  she asked if i was going to get there on time and i might have looked just a little nervous when i replied "i hope so!" with a smile.  she figured she was inspired to sit next to me and find that out, and went over to the brethren in charge and asked if i could be bumped to the head of the line.  they asked the sisters in front of me who all agreed without hesitation, and so it all worked out.  everyone was so kind, easygoing, and accomodating.  i love that about the temple.  i ended up walking into work perhaps 1 or 2 minutes early.  it was awesome.
my stake president once mentioned that anythign in the temple that could go wrong, or seems to be tricky to figure out, or whatever- always seems to work out.  i absolutely agree.
my experience today reminded me that Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers.  and sometimes He even helps me out quickly. and He's even willing to help when my problem could have been solved by planning better and arriving a little earlier.... He took care of me today.  it was a nice reminder.
He doesn't always answer prayers quickly, but He does always answer them.  it's important to remember that.

A note to non-Mormons: you may be wondering what the heck I am talking about.  so, as members of Christ's church, we have the opportunity to help those who passed away without receiving the gospel, to get baptised. we stand in as proxies for those who have died, and are then baptized on their behalves. this work, baptisms for the dead (among other services), is performed in our temples. if you'd like to know more, please see the mormon.org articles on family history and Christ's church. see also 1 corinthians 15:29, 1 peter 4:6, malachi 4:5-6, and john 5:25.  and lastly, see lds.org's gospel topics information on baptisms for the dead. and feel free to ask me anything!

here are a few pictures of baptistries in different temples. couldn't find any of seattle, but the general design is always the same- after that of the baptismal font in solomon's temple.  (see 2 chronicles 4:2-5, and 1 kings 7:23-26)


photo from here


photo from here. this is in the rexburg, id temple. i have spent many hours there. it's beautiful, and i love it there.

photo from a fox 17 slideshow, with multiple photos of the kyiv, ukraine temple. very cool. check it out.

 
both photos from here. the one on the L is most like the seattle temple. plus, you can actually see the oxen in this photo (they are hard to see in the others!)

the temple. and me.

I have half-written posts in my head, but I just haven't felt like writing much lately.  My septoplasty two-and-a-half weeks ago went very well.  I've noticed some interesting and positive changes since then.  Perhaps I'll talk about them sometime soon.  I've been tired lately and prone to headaches from overdoing things, so I've spent a lot of time at home photoshopping and watching shows like Castle and Bones.  I thought I would spend more time reading, writing, and studying, but I've found that I just haven't had the mental energy for it.  This past week I started journeying outside of the home to study and prepare for my CNA exam.  That has been good.  Oh, and I have in the past couple weeks practiced piano, mandolin, and flute a fair amount more than normal.  That's nice as well.

So anyways, I don't really have the mental energy to share anything profound.  So here's a semi-random scripture and a picture and quote of the temple.

"For behold, and lo, the Lord is God, and the Spirit beareth record, and the record is true, and the truth abideth forever and ever.  Amen."  -- D&C 1:39

Truth is truth.  It is eternal and reliable.  Just like God.  The Spirit, or Holy Ghost, bears record of Truth; of God.  The best way to truly know our Heavenly Father is to do things which invite the Spirit into our lives.  If we ask with faith for knowledge from our Heavenly Father- for truth and a testimony of it!- the Holy Ghost will leave a record of that Truth written on our hearts.  Then that truth is seared to our character.  It becomes a part of us and acting contrary to it becomes against our very nature.  This leads us to be more like Christ.

And a picture of the temple... because it's awesome and I love it.  The quote is about sacrificing for the temple. I know that when we sacrifice to go to the temple and serve and have one-on-one time with our Father (who loves us!), we are richly blessed.  Every expense and every inconvenience I have (and will) ever experienced has been worth it.  I know that my health has improved over the past three years because I made the temple a priority in my life.  I truly believe that if I had not followed the prompting of the Holy Ghost to go and worship regularly and frequently, I would not have been able to do all of the things I have done in the past three years.  I would not have gone to BYU-Idaho.  I would not have worked full time at Kentlake High School.  I would not have gotten engaged and I would not have survived the break-up.  I would not have gone back to Green River Community College and earned 3.9's and 4.0's in all my classes last year.  I would not have gone to Guyana.  I would not have been led to the very physicians who could help me most.

I don't know what my life would be like right now without this gospel and without the temple.  Maybe I would still be where I was three years ago- not able to work or go to school.  Maybe I wouldn't.  All I know is that I have experienced miracles and been given incredible opportunities.  I credit those miracles and opportunities to the love and mercy of my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ and I credit them to the very real power and strength which come from the temple.

me, as of late

Well, as you can probably tell by the time of this post, I have had some trouble sleeping lately. Actually, you could just as easily think that I woke up early, and that would be true.... sort of. I woke up really early. I was doing pretty well at that during summer quarter, but then there was that 3 week period or so between the end of school and the beginning of my job with the school district. I'm pretty sure that wrecked my nice new habit. [note, i began this at about 5:30am... then finally fell back asleep for awhile, then went out and took some pictures. thus why it wasn't submitted at the early time i was talking about. just in case you actually checked the time down at the bottom here and wondered...]

anyways...

First we'll cover the latest on Guyana. (If you don't know what I'm talking about when I say Guyana, please go here.) My fundraising page is up! I'm almost halfway to the $2500 I need to raise! (The fundraising page only says 2,000 but I think that might be because they took my deductible out of the total or something.) I'm amazed at how quickly people have offered their support and how generous so many people have been (whether they have a lot of money or a little). We've still got a little ways to go, but I'm not worried. I truly believe this is what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing right now and I know the the opportunity has come straight from Him. Since this is the case, I am not very worried about it working out. I think of 1 Nephi 3:7~

"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing he hath commanded them."

I also like the words from the Children's Primary song about Nephi:

"The Lord commanded Nephi to go and build a boat.

Nephi's older brothers said it would not float.

Laughing and mocking they said he should not try.

Nephi was courageous and this was his reply:

I will go, I will do

the things the Lord commands

I know the Lord provides a way

He wants me to obey."

So I finally took the leap and decided to try hot yoga. I LOVE it. Every time I do it I like it even more. The heat/yoga combination is particularly helpful for my angry, trigger-point-filled muscles in my neck, shoulders, and upper back (they are large contributers to my headahces & migraines). Hot yoga helps the muscles to loosen up and calm down enough so that I can work out the knots and also strengthen my muscles without freaking them out and making it worse. It feels sooo good!

Also on the healthfront, I have a deviated septum with a dust mite allergy resulting in chronic allergic rhinits.... an ongoing sinus infection. The amazing doctor of magic, Dr McBride, has done an awesome job of diagnosing and treating me. But because of my pretty marked deviated septum (my left nostril is half as big as my right), we can't cure the sinus infection completely without my getting a septoplasty... a surgical procedure where they fix my deviated septum... aka a "nose job". Because of the trigeminal nerve which hangs out around your sinuses, your forehead, and your jaw, there's a possibility that my headaches are caused by sinus/nasal problems. I am, in the words of a wise YSA Relief Society President, "cautiously optimistic". I am hoping to have the nose surgery before the end of this year, but that'll depend on my doctor and my insurance.

And... the sun is beautiful this morning! With beautiful fog! I just went out took some pictures. I am uploading them now :)

I'm going to Guyana. Please help.

UPDATE:

my fundraising site is up!

I'm going to Guyana!

for two weeks. and i'll be camping. and hanging out with lots of sick people.

october 23-november 6.

i'm stoked.

[it's on facebook, too!]

What?

So over the past year, I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life. I took a CNA class- absolutely loved it. Then I worked for a few months with the school district, and in the spring decided to go back to the local community college. Spring and Summer quarters I attended part-time so if I had any migraine problems it wouldn't set me back in school. This plan worked excellently because both quarters I got a 3.9! Yay! Overjoyed, I quite happily signed up for Fall classes, ready to keep going.

And then there was that Sunday I sat in church and felt really strongly like something would come up this fall and I should withdraw from classes so I could devote myself to that opportunity. My thoughts were something like, "wha?!" So a few days later I took a big gulp and withdrew from my classes. Yikes! I thought and prayed about it and decided that hey, this would be a really good opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do-- go volunteer abroad!

I started researching various volunteer programs like crazy. After about a month of research I'd seen a few programs that caught my eye, but none of them occurring this fall. Then I got an email from Ve'ahavta. They told me that they had an upcoming medical trip to Guyana and were in need of a support person for their team and the information they had about me suggested that I might be a good fit for this role. The trip is scheduled to leave Oct 23, so would I please get back to them quickly about whether or not I'm interested? I took a weekend to pray about it and decided that this is something I really want to do and to go for it.

Well that's nice, Cassanndre, but what're you actually gonna do?

Well, this is so cool. Short answer: I'm going to be a support person on a medical team. My job will be multi-fold. Part of it will be to help our team leader logistically, make sure we don't forget anything on the little boats or airplanes (like medicine, tents, food, and other not-so-important items), and remind my teammates to stay hydrated and wear mosquito repellant. The other part of it will be using my medical skills and enthusiasm to learn by helping the doctors and nurses in the clinic. I will help with basic patient care (taking vitals, basic first aid, etc), triaging our incoming patients, and educating patients on things like hygiene, sexual health, diabetes, and preventative measures. I will also have opportunities to observe the doctors and nurses in action.

We will travel by "puddle jumper" (little plane), boat, canoe, and.... well, I imagine there will be a vehicle here or there :) We will be going to the rural Guyanese people who have less access to primary care and working with the local healthcare workers to meet the medical needs of each village.

If you want to know more in depth, check out the Ve'ahavta Guyana project information page.

You said "please help"... are you asking me for money?

Yes, yes, I am. I will be completely honest with you about this. And y'know what makes it great? I really don't have the ability to afford it on my own!

Are you crazy?

Yeah, maybe I am. However, I feel really strongly that this medical trip to Guyana is something my Heavenly Father is giving me the opportunity to do and it is something I really, really want to do. That's an understatement. I am enthused, excited, and committed to this trip. Worst case scenario here? I go to Guyana and am in debt to Ve'ahavta and arrange a payment plan with them to pay off the cost of the trip within the next year or so. I believe in working for a living as well as working to make dreams possible. I don't like the idea of debt and try to avoid it as much as possible. I feel strongly that if I do everything I can to prepare myself for this trip and take advantage of all of the resources available to me that I will be provided for- in whatever form that comes about. It might sound crazy to plan this trip on such short notice with such little resources of my own, but I am not ashamed of my situation nor my decision to go.

The cost of the trip is termed a donation (and thus is tax-deductible). It is typically $3,000 but because I'm awesome, Ve'ahavta has reduced it to $2,500 for me. What does this cover? This covers not only my personal airfare, food, in-country travel, insurance, etc. but it also helps cover the cost of the medical supplies we will be using and supplying the Guyanese people.

What do I get out of it?

Well, that depends on what you want out of it. If you want me to have a great time, expand my educational experiences, and help people- I promise you'll get that. You'll even get some people in Guyana who are healthier, happier, and more knowledgeable about taking care of themselves. Personally, though, I want to give back to the people who help me to go. I have a few ideas about this, and honestly, I can't think of one to make the single gift back to those of you who help sponsor me. So how about this? I'll give you guys a list of things I can do, and you let me know what you would like in return.

• a printed photo of guyana. your choice from my pictures of people and land. (since i am a photographer)
• a photoshoot of you, your family, your pets, whatever.
• professional editing or restoration of photos you already have.
• babysitting. (for an evening, a day, a few times a week, a month....)
• cleaning. with my special genetic-anal-retentive skills.
• a massage. (i have no training whatsoever, but i do have a reputation for awesome massages.)
• buy doTERRA oils from me at retail price (i believe i get 25% of your purchase). feel free to ask me about essential oils if you don't know about them or what might be a good fit for you. i love them. maybe i'll put a post regarding oils here on my blog sometime soon...
• caregiving. i am trained to be a nursing assistant. i can help you or a loved one in a number of ways, from personal hygiene and basic medical attention to preparing meals and rearranging furniture for greater accessibility. and many things in between.
• tutoring. i have extensive experience working with special needs kids. i also am a college student and can help with most subjects up to high school level. i took two years of ASL and can teach you basic sign language.
• anything else you can think of.

well that's nice that you can do stuff, but I only have a little bit of money. can I just get a picture or something?

Of course! And you know what, if 50 people donated $20, that would be $1000. Now, I probably won't be able to send an 8x10 glossy to each of those 50 people because that would get expensive. But if you want one, let me know and we'll make it happen. If you want an hour of tutoring or a small handful of photos edited, let's talk about it. If you want to just donate and you don't want anything in return, that's really sweet and I'll accept that, but please give me your address so I can at least send you a picture or something. Pretty much, I'm a reasonable person, and I expect that anyone who reads this is probably a reasonable person. Want to help me out? Let's talk and see what I can do for you!

I have more questions!

Okay, post them below, give me a call (if you have my number), or shoot me an email (cassanndre [at] gmail [dot] com). I will also probably come back and add more information as I think of things people might want to know/ I want to share.

and my body lived happily ever after... but not yet

This is the essay I wrote to submit w/ my college applications. Since it deals w/ health, and whole host of other things which I either have addressed on this here blog, or would address, I figured that it may just be appropriate to stick the essay here. (btw, feedback is never a bad thing. *hint hint*)

I had my future all planned out when I was ten years old. I would graduate from high school with straight A’s and go on to the university my parents attended. I would graduate with honors, probably in “cat behaviorology”. I would then serve a mission for my church. Help troubled kitties. Get married. And maybe go on to cure cancer. I have since discovered that life rarely goes according to plan.

It was discovered in my eighth grade year that I struggled with both depression and anxiety. With the help of my mother, psychologist and medication, I learned how to assess my emotions and thoughts, to recognize those influenced by depression/anxiety, and slowly I was able to replace negative thought patterns with positive and healthy ones. I now consider my depression and anxiety to be under control. Neither bothers me frequently, and when one does I am able to recognize what is happening quickly and deal with it in an efficient and effective manner. As a result of this experience, I was able to relate to and help when people I knew struggle with mental illness.

It would seem that gaining an understanding of mental illness was not the only empathetic quality I was bound to develop. The spring of my sophomore year (2006) I began to be physically ill. I missed more and more school and extracurricular activities due to stomach pains, headaches, nausea, weakness, fatigue and other such vague but irritatingly interfering symptoms. My mother and I began to trot from doctor to doctor, trying to pin down a diagnosis. Multiple tests, scans, appointments and a few months later I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I was shocked. Pleased to have a diagnosis. Ecstatic that there was treatment. And comforted that all I endured was real and treatable- not just my imagination. I followed not quite, but almost, religiously my treatment routine, educated myself exhaustively on the functional disorder, and found my body back to nearly normal within the next few months (barring the occasional flare-up of symptoms).

I gained empathy for those suffering with chronic illness, for those who live with the fear that accompanies a “mystery diagnosis”, and for those whose lives consisted of medical appointments. I also developed a strong awareness of and gratitude for my health. I was more than ready to bounce back into challenging course loads at school, and busy days due to multiple extracurriculars. I was ready to move on, utilizing my new wisdom, and live my life just like all of the other over-achievers my age.

The spring of my junior year (2007) marked the beginning in a chronic change of health which made my experience the year prior seem a simple warm-up exercise. My IBS flared up. Medicine was adjusted and the IBS was placated. Left in its wake, however, were severe and frequent headaches which rendered me, once again, frequently absent from school and other activities. A few tests and many Excedrin later I was diagnosed with migraine headaches. Severe. Chronic. And really annoying. More difficulties ensued when I began to have difficulty keeping solid foods down. Suspected medications were eliminated, but did not result in an abatement of my symptoms. More tests were run. More doctors’ appointments. More medicines. It didn’t take long for me to realize that perhaps the Fates (or God) had in mind a different course for me than I had ever imagined or planned; and a few lessons to learn along the way.

I like to plan. I make lists. I get excited. It has been quite a shock to me to have my carefully formulated planning completely usurped. After my second round of illness (spring 2007), I decided that it might be a good idea to work on being more flexible. Since then, I have had to constantly readjust, reevaluate, and even sometimes abandon my plans due to illness. It’s stressful. It’s terrifying. It’s just plain annoying. Being forced to do this, though, has helped me to learn a critical lesson. I have learned to be humble and to trust in my Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I have had to surrender my desires, goals, and plans to His for me. It is an ongoing struggle to remember to do this and have faith. But it gets easier. I have seen seemingly impossible situations turn out not just fine, but wonderfully.

Another struggle has been restructuring how I measure my own self-worth. I used to be pleased with who I was and how I was doing in life based on my challenging course load and numerous extracurricular activities. The busier I was, and the more I accomplished, the better I felt about myself. Having developed a chronic illness, I can no longer maintain even a normal course load, and have had to drop most of my extracurriculars. I am so far from busy as to feel, at times, isolated from anything outside of my own home. This has been one of the hardest things about being sick for me. I love to be active, to challenge myself, and to help people. I have, out of necessity, been forced to learn that my value, or self-worth, is not based on what I have accomplished nor how busy I am, but rather, who I have become and who I am becoming.

My parents have instilled in me a strong sense of obligation to serve. Since my migraines began, I have constantly struggled to not “beat myself over the head” for not being able to serve as I would like. I do my best now to serve when and where I can as my body allows, but what I work to remember is that I am learning and growing a lot from this experience, and that when I have my health under control once more, I will be able to use that wisdom to help people in ways I would never have been able to without this trial.

Illness, in any form, is not by any stretch of the imagination pleasurable. My doctors and I continue to try and straighten out my health through trial, error, and brute determination. I continue to work on juggling life with health. Nonetheless, I would not trade my experiences with it.

I have been blessed in many ways which help me to keep going. I have received assistance from wonderful people ranging from health care providers to my everyday peers. My pharmacist, doctors and their nurses have gone above and beyond to help me out. The Disability Support Services staff at my community college has been a vital asset to any attempt I have made at school since my migraines began. Teachers have gone above the legal requirement of my Letters of Accommodation in being not only flexible but sympathetic and accessible. My high school counselor has been nothing short of amazing in the aid and direction he has provided me. My family, friends, and fellow church members have served me in countless ways, allowing me frequent reminders of the love given me which I have to be grateful for.

The most valuable blessing I have received from this trial, however, has been an increased ability to help others. What I have struggled with is by no means as disabling as what I have seen others struggle with, but it has given me a solid glimpse and firm understanding of what people with more troubling problems experience. My wish is that what I am learning now will allow me to someday render service similar to what I have received. Being able to do so would make all that I have endured valuable, precious, and ultimately- worth it.

people need blessings

You know what? People need blessings. I should let them help me more.
I tend to balk at recieving a lot of special treatment or anything. I like attention just as much as the next person, but I don't like lots of it. (It makes me uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed. I'm kind of glad that I feel this way, because I think it's much better than craving attention and having a large ego. I guess it reassures me about my character or something.) For the most part, I don't like having people worry a lot about me. Mostly family, I suppose. I'm not private with my life, but I don't like to make a big deal out of things.
I need help, and am very grateful for the help that people have offered me. I do, however, decline most offers of aid. Perhaps it's because I like to be independent, or maybe just that I have a hard time accepting help? I don't know. It doesn't matter so much why, I guess. I'm starting to think, however, that it might be better if I took people up on their offers more often. Not just for my sake, but for theirs. People need blessings, and it's a well-known fact that service results in wonderful blessings for every party involved. If I don't allow people to help me, it's possible that I am depriving them of blessings.
I can serve by accepting service?
It's food for thought.