friendship and happiness

"bear one another's burdens, that they may be light"  -Mosiah 18:8
I was talking to a friend today about friendship.  When you choose to be happy- and learn how,  you find that a lot of negative people drop out of your life, and a lot of positive ones drop in.  It's not really a conscious decision, it's just that we attract people like ourselves.  when we're miserable, we tend to hang out with other miserable people.  when we're happy, healthy people, we find ourselves surrounded by other happy people.  you see, sometimes good, well-intending, caring people try to help other people bear their burdens, however they get caught up in it- and then those burdens never become light, they just get shared around and continue to make everyone miserable.  that's not how God wants it to be.
"...and men are that they might have joy." (2 Ne 2:25)  Help someone bear their burden, and then be happy.
The verses following "bear one another's burdens" include mourning with those that mourn, standing with those that are in need of comfort, and standing as a witness of God at all times, in all things, and all places.  And then we are told what the point is for doing all of this: "that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life".
My friend pointed out that the result of loving and helping others is interestingly self-centered in a way.  When I make a pattern of helping people selflessly, the result is an eternity of God-like happiness for me.
So don't get caught up in drama and suffering.  Help people when they're hurting, but don't forget the end goal.  The end goal is to be with God, to be like God, and to be happy.  And while being physically with and truly like God are things that will take quite some time, being happy doesn't have to.  Being happy can happen just as soon as you learn to live your life happily.  And when you remember this end goal, the people you help will be better off.  Your happiness will rub off on them, and truly help their burdens to become light.

faith and answers to prayer

There was a wonderful quote shared either in Sunday School or Relief Society today.  The following quote was shared,

When we seek inspiration to help makes decisions, the Lord gives gentle promptings.  These require us to think, to exercise faith, to work, to struggle at times, and to act.  Seldom does the whole answer to a decisively important matter or complex problem come all at once.  More often, it comes a piece at a time, without the end in sight.

I loved that quote so much, I google searched until I found the talk.  It's from a talk called, "Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer" by Richard G Scott.  Go read it.  It's great.
I learned that when the answer to prayer is yes, it's encouragement to take confidence.  When the answer is no, it's keep us from making mistakes.  But the real kicker Elder Scott addresses, is that sometimes the answer to a prayer is withheld.  Or it comes in pieces.  When this happens, it is to encourage us to act.  As Elder Scott says:

When he withholds an answer, it is to have us grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth.  We are expected to assume accountability by acting on decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation.  we are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken.  We are to act."

We are to act.  I love it.  I love the principle of action- of how Heavenly Father encourages us to go out and actually use our ability to choose.  Indeed, Paul said to Timothy, "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  (2 Timothy 1:7)
Faith would not be so powerful if it were easy.  I choose to have faith.  I choose to have faith that Heavenly Father and Christ love me, they are guiding me, and that the things I have felt to be answers to prayer are truly Their wishes for me.  I will have doubts, but in those moments I will again choose faith.

"stop it!"

President Uchtdorf said something awesome in General Conference last April.  Here's an excerpt from that epic speech (which you can read in its entirety here)

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon.  When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it! 

It's that simple.  We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. 

I think this talk resonated with all who listened for two reasons, 1) we all judge others and need to stop, and 2) President Uchtdorf presented it so matter-of-factly, and lovingly.

I came across the below recently on a blog I enjoy following.  I thought it rather fitting.

(photo from jessica hagy's awesome blog, here)

some thoughts on falling in love

My friend Danilo shared the below quote and this thought on facebook today. I liked it so much I figured I should do something to keep it in mind ;)

Elder Hugh B. Brown concurs: “Infatuation may be romantic, glamorous, thrilling, and even urgent, but genuine love should not be in a hurry. … Time should be taken for serious thought, and opportunity given for [each partner to gain] physical, mental, and spiritual maturity. Longer acquaintances will enable both to evaluate themselves and their proposed companions, to know each other’s likes and dislikes, habits and dispositions, aptitudes and aspirations” (You and Your Marriage, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1960, pp. 27, 34). i love this quote genuine Love should not be in a hurry there is no reason for it especially if this love is eternal.

I've had discussions about this idea with a couple of friends recently.  My friend Stan commented recently that if you rush things it can ruin everything because rushing stunts the development of real love. Take it slow.  Don't drag your feet, but don't rush anything, either. Pursue someone you're interested in and let things unfold naturally. Genuine affection, commitment, loyalty, and true Christlike love for one another will develop. And "if it's meant to be, it will be."

have any pennies for my thoughts?

So, I have a few partially-thought-out posts either in the "drafts" category of this blog or still in my head...  I'm a bit surprised at myself for actually blogging often enough to have a backlog of blog posts.  Who'da thunk it?  (Maybe you, but certainly not me.)
Anyways, now is not the time I am going to address those.  Now is the time I'm just going to talk about me as of late and some things on my mind.  The three things that have been on my mind the most (in no particular order), are boys, finances, work, and my health.


Guys
I won't say much on this blog about guys (unless it's a scripturally based post like the recent "every girl's dream man"), but I will say that I like guys who know how to treat girls.  I have a few new guy friends whom I really appreciate because they are kind to me- not just kinda kind, but thoughtful and go out of their way to be thoughtful.  I appreciate this.  I also appreciate receiving genuine compliments.  I could go on and on about so many different thoughts about guys but unless you're my mom, my counselor, or one of my best friends you probably won't hear it.  I hope you're not too disappointed ;)


Finances
In the past couple of months I haven't been able to work much for various reasons and that has been frustrating for me, my checkbook, and my psyche.  However, I have come to be grateful for my dearth of income for it has required me to budget and track my spending better and also rely on the Lord more.  He is totally providing for me- I truly do have sufficient to meet my needs!  I even have sufficient for a 'want' here or there, such as buying Christmas presents for family last month, going dancing tonight with a friend, and through the generous birthday and  Christmas presents of family, I am getting a new camera on Monday!  (A real Canon DSLR.... I am stoked!  I could go on and on about the camera but I'll save that for another time.)
I talked to my grandma on the phone today (okay, it's 2am, so technically yesterday) and commented to her that I'm really grateful for how tight my financial situation has become because it is really helping me to develop the habits I need to be financially responsible for the rest of my life.  I talked about how long-term, I feel that it's more important to develop these skills than it is for me to work every day and make good money (such that I don't need to budget as much and I forget to rely on the Lord for my very bread and water).  I have seen people have financial strain and I want to learn not only how to avoid it, but how to make the best of it.  I also want to become an expert budget-er so that someday when I have kids I can start teaching them about it young.
I find it almost odd that I feel so grateful to be flirting with the line of being broke.  I never thought I would feel that way about, well, having a lack of money haha.  Money can't buy happiness- it's a well-known cliche, true, but it's well-known for good reason: it is so true.  Happiness, or self-satisfaction and peace, comes from having agency: the ability to choose.  When we manage our money poorly, it controls us and we become bound and lose many options.  When manage our money wiself- whether we are rich or poor- we are exercising agency or power over it, and so we are in control and able to continously generate and chose options for action.
On ProvidentLiving.org's Financial Self-Reliance page, there is an awesome quote from President N. Eldon Tanner:

Those who structure their standard of living to allow a little surplus, control their circumstances. Those who spend a little more than they earn are controlled by their circumstances. They are in bondage”

Work
I like being a paraeducator and I really enjoy working in special ed.  It's also fun, as a substitute, to go around the district and see how different teachers run their different classrooms.  Very educational for me and helpful in generating ideas for how I want to teach my own kids someday.
But the scheduling of a substitute sucks and is something that has ended up being really hard for me.  It used to be good because I would work work work and then get sick and take time off no problem.  And then I went to school and was able to cut way back my working hours so I could study... no problem (except a decrease in income, obviously).  But now it's to the point for me that I don't really like my job.  I mean, I often enjoy it when I get to wherever I'm subbing, but at the same time, I don't come home from work with a sense of satisfaction that I made a difference and stretched myself today.  Usually I come home with a sense of satisfaction from simply knowing that I made money today.  I don't want that out of a job and to be honest, it is not enough to get me out of bed in the morning when I don't feel well.  This may be a character flaw in me, but it is the way I am (at least for the time being).  Last summer I made a "bucket list" of sorts and on that list is "work in an emergency room".  I think I might just pursue that.  It appeals to me, I think would really enjoy the job, learn and see a lot, make decent money, and be doing something that will be good for whatever career in medicine/health care I decide to go into.  I've still got more praying to do about it, but at this point I'm thinking I'll start pursuing it after I have recovered from my upcoming surgery.
Which brings me to...


Health
I have endoscopic sinus surgery scheduled for Thursday the 19th.  My surgeon is going to fix my deviated septum and open up my sinuses a bit more.  I am hoping that this will help cure my sleep apnea, improve my asthma, allow my sinuses to drain and therefore get rid of my chronic sinus infection, improve my migraines, and maybe even alleviate my daily headache.  I'm not expecting it to fix everything or even fix any one thing all the way, but I believe (and my awesome asthma & allergy Dr believes as well) that fixing my deviated septum will improve a lot of things for me.  Thus far I have just been excited for the surgery and interested in the anatomy of it all.
But now I'm getting a bit more nervous.  I'm nervous about the migraine that I will assuredly get from the surgery.  I'm nervous about taking painkillers and getting a horrible rebound migraine like I did last February (2010) when I had my wisdom teeth removed.  I was on painkillers for a week and then as soon as I got off of them I had a migraine essentially for a week straight.  It was miserable.  I stayed in bed pretty much every day all day and read, watched TV on my laptop, and photoshopped.  Anytime I got out of bed and stood up or moved around for more than a couple minutes, my migraine would return with an eager vengeance...  The week after this constant migraine I was better, but still recovering from the physical and mental toll a migriane like that takes on a person.  I essentially ended up needing a full month to recover before I could go back to working full-time.  It sucked.
I'm worried that will happen again.  Okay, say it does, what's the worst case scenario?  I essentially have no paycheck for the month of February.  Okay.  That wouldn't be fun, but I believe this surgery is needed at tis time in my life and the Lord will take care of me.  The lack of work may mean that some bills don't get paid or debts paid off and I don't have money to go to school in the spring, but I'll be back to work eventually and it'll be okay.
I'm also just a bit nervous about the pain itself.  Normally I'm not too worried about pain... I don't know.  Maybe that's not true.  One thing I'm worried about is the fact that I'll have to sinus rinses after the surgery.  The one time I tried doing a sinus rinse (last fall... september I think) I ended up with a migraine so horrible that I had a friend take me to urgent care.  This was the second time ever in my history of migraines that I have been taken to urgent care to be treated for one.  But it just hurt so badly and there was nothing I could do and I started panicking because of how surprising, strong and persistant the pain was.  My awesome asthma & allergy Dr. explaind to me that this probably happened because of my deviated septum- the migraine was localised to that side of my face and it was probably triggered by my trigeminal nerve flipping out over the water I was attempting to force through my sinuses (again- couldn't drain properly or even enter properly via the left nostril due to that deviation).  So hopefully with the deviated septum fixed i won't have a problem with sinus rinses.  I'm really hoping that's the case cuz I'm trying not to be nervous about all of this...
Okay, so my sleep schedule is way off.  Whether or not I use my CPAP I seem to be waking up after only a few hours of sleep.  It used to be I'd wake up after 5hrs with the CPAP and be good to go for the day... now I'm waking up after 3 or 4 with or without it and am not good to go for the day.  What the heck?  For example I started writing this post at 0130 or something like that.  I didn't fall asleep probably till about 3... it's now 0655 and I've been up for maybe an hour now- can't get back to sleep.  I wonder if those chocolate truffles sitting on the counter which I couldn't resist when I got home around midnight have something to do with it...

and that brings us to a subcategory under health...  Sugar.  Which I am going to give it's own post because it deserves that.
Stay tuned.

a sobering truth, and hope

My step-dad's career is in Emergency Management. As a result, he gets some pretty interesting training. He's had medical training, gone to "bomb camp" (learned how devastating IED's can be and how to deal with them), and this week had some training concerning terrorism. He commented to me on how today they had shown him some pretty sobering videos. One was a terrorist attack targeting elementary aged students.
Another was a five year-old boy talking about how he couldn't wait to grow up. Pretty normal, right? Except that this little boy wasn't excited about being able to drive, not having chores, becoming president, having money, or getting to do whatever he wanted, like most five year-olds I know are. This little boy (from somewhere on the other side of the world) couldn't wait to grow up because then he could help kill Jews and Americans.
What can you say to that?
How do you fight that level of indoctrination?
Can it be fought?
For me, it brings to mind the flood.

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually....The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence. And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for th earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth. -Genesis 6:5,7,11-13

In the third chapter of 2 Timothy Paul talks about the last days- our days:

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.... men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof...

Nephi talked about it:

But, behold, in the last days, or in the days of the Gentiles—yea, behold all the nations of the Gentiles and also the Jews, both those who shall come upon this land and those who shall be upon other lands, yea, even upon all the lands of the earth, behold, they will be drunken with iniquity and all manner of abominations—

Mormon talked about how the earth would be in our days as well:

And it shall come in a day when the blood of saints shall cry unto the Lord, because of secret combinations and the works of darkness. Yea, it shall come in a day when the power of God shall be denied, and churches become defiled and be lifted up in the pride of their hearts; yea, even in a day when leaders of churches and teachers shall rise in the pride of their hearts, even to the envying of them who belong to their churches. Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be heard of fires, and tempests, and vapors of smoke in foreign lands; And there shall also be heard of wars, rumors of wars, and earthquakes in divers places. Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth; there shall be murders, and robbing, and lying, and deceivings, and whoredoms, and all manner of abominations; when there shall be many who will say, Do this, or do that, and it mattereth not, for the Lord will uphold such at the last. But wo unto such, for they are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity. Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be churches built up that shall say: Come unto me, and for your money you shall be forgiven of your sins.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said,

Just as foretold, our days are fast resembling the days of Noah, especially notable for their pattern of corruption and violence.

The difference between our day and Noah's? God will not send a flood this time. It will get worse and worse until the coming of the Savior. (Mathew 24:37)
I remember talking in seminary about why God sent the flood. Sure, everyone was pretty darn wicked and such, but was that really a cause for destroying almost every single human being on the earth? If God is a God of love, then why would He wipe everyone out? At the bottom of Genesis 8 in my Bible, I have written a(nother) quote from Neal A. Maxwell, concerning the flood:

God intervened when corruption reached an agency disrupting point.

Basically, the people of Noah's time had gotten so wicked that it was impossible for free agency to remain intact. Such is the case today, as exhibited by that little boy I mentioned. He is being indoctrinated at such a young age that there is little hope of him ever believing anything other than what he has now learned. His ability to discern right from wrong has been severed in a manner which seriously disrupts his ability to use his free agency.
How sad! How tragic to have one's life so ripped away- not by death, but by wickedness.
But God isn't going to intervene this time like He did before. He has restored His Gospel to the Earth. It is up to us to reach out and teach people- to give them a chance at living their lives happily, instead of being consumed by the wickedness that dominates today. Yet, it is still a sad fact that many people will live out their lives with untapped agency, and thus happiness.
How glad I am for the second Article of Faith, which states that "men will be punished for their own sins," For this I am thankful. Our little boy still has a chance at happiness in life after death.
There is still hope, no matter how wicked the world becomes.