What is the Relief Society? to quote Mormon.org:
The Relief Society is the oldest and largest women's organization in the world. Relief Society was established in 1842 for women 18 years of age and older. Its purpose is to build faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and help those in need.So I attend a ward or congregation for young single adults (also known as YSA's) . It consists of a bunch of unmarried adults ranging in age from 18-31. Every ward has a Relief Society- each individual relief society being a part of the worldwide organization. As you can imagine, there is some mystique to this organization in a YSA ward.... because it consists of a bunch of single sisters in their 20's (mwahaha). So every once in a while when we have an activity, gentlemen friends of mine ask, "what do you guys do at those activities anyways? Gossip? Cook? Sew? Plan to take over the world?"
Well.... I can't tell you about all relief societies, but ours is pretty good at not gossiping, I think. When we talk about others I've always heard it be with affection. We've done some sewing and cooking before, among other things. Take over the world? Not usually discussed.
Unless you happen to have what we might call an "unofficial" Relief Society activity. First, what makes it a relief society activity? The fact that we're meeting at the relief society president's house and she's invited all of the sisters. What makes it unofficial? Pretty much it comes down to not having an opening prayer and maybe even watching a PG-13 movie.
So what did we do yesterday? We had various forms of holiday candy and chocolate, as well as lemonade and popcorn. Sisters brought movies and we selected Bride and Prejudice. Pretty kosher Mormon-girl activity, right? Yep. So what happens after the movie? I'm really not sure how to describe it all, so perhaps I will just share some of the things I learned last night.
- dark meat is mostly anaerobic muscle- used for shorter bursts of activity
- white meat is mostly aerobic muscle- used for sustained activity
- 4/5 ladies present at this activity prefer white meat to dark
- a long distance runner would have more white meat on his bones, while a sprinter would have more dark meat
- which men in our ward are long distance runners
- the location of the nearest dump
There was also a discussion on guys that one of the sisters has made cry. Now that I recall, she also described how it happened, what tools she used, and the way she angled these tools up into this man's face... There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, I promise.
Oh, and by no means did I come home from this lovely event borrowing a book entitled, How to be a Villain. And this book that I did not carry home did not at all contain a mad-libs styled format for creating evil plans.
But if I had come home with such a book, and perhaps shared it with my siblings, the following would be the result.
stage one
To begin, you must first seduce and incinerate Mick Jagger. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to the Force and look bewildered and paralyzed by your arrival. Who is this criminal mastermind that is the destroyer of all things good and nice? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in another person's skin?
stage two
Next, you must vaporize the internet. This will all be done from your hidden, ancient tomb, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will fall into a catatonic trance, as countless hordes of undead ninjas and demented corporate clowns hasten to do your every bidding.
stage three
Finally, you must unleash the secret Doomsday Machine, bringing about the Antichrist. Your name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare to take your lunch money. Everyone will bow before your unmatched physical prowess, and the world will have no choice but to restore your credit rating.
I promise- Mormonism is not a cult (truly! go read the link!).
