what is beauty?

I follow The Weed, a blog by an awesome LDS fellow.  On this blog he talks about a lot of things, but most often he talks about his crazy but super awesome girls.  His most recent post was titled "Viva Fashionista". It is all about his 4-year-old daughter who has already developed a ridiculous talent for fashion.  This post led to a discussion of how to help girls separate their sense of self-worth from their physical appearance.  One person's comment revealed that she was told by everyone she was fat while growing up, but upon growing up and looking back in pictures, she has since realized that she really wasn't.  This got me thinking about a personal experience.

I think these pictures are beautiful, so you all get to look at them

I have struggled to be within normal weight limits since elementary school.  I didn't really realize I was overweight till probably middle school.  I don't think I was really very self-conscious about it till partway through high school.  A couple of years ago I had a friend tell me, "maybe if you weighed less, [more] guys would be interested in you."  What they said at that time didn't really weigh on me, but it stuck on my mind.  A couple months later, after a rough break-up (with a rather great guy, I'd like to note, lest his name be unduly defamed), I couldn't seem to get that thought out of my mind.  It shadowed me all of last year.  I lost some good number of pounds in the past 2 years, and began going on more dates this year.  Like, a lot more dates.  And I made a lot of new wonderful guy friends.  I was truly enjoying the new friendships and the fun experiences, but I couldn't the thought out of my mind, what if I have this surge of guys interested in spending time with me because I weigh less now?  My logical brain (as opposed to the emotional one) figured that most likely wasn't the case.  There is certainly evidence to indicate that my personality and outgoing-ness have changed, and as we all have been told at one time or another, it's all about your attitude.  But how true is that?
For the sake of our case study, let's examine my change in attitude.  It has consisted of being a lot more positive, a let less anxious, and a lot more self-confident.  It has come from doing things I've never done before, gaining new perspectives from in-depth conversations with others, and being very very blessed by my Heavenly Father.  I figure a lot of this is par for the course as one matures.
So that's the logical alternative- my attitude has changed, and so my relationships and opportunities have changed.  But I still had nagging in my mind, it's because I lost weight.
I'd like to tell you, something funny happens when you start a job which involves a lot of typing, and stop exercising regularly.  And don't change your diet.  You gain weight (unless you're one of those freaks with crazy-good metabolism... wait 20 years, my friends, that will likely change).  This summer I've gained back a fair amount of that weight I lost.  I don't know anyone but me has noticed it (I think not, judging based on the lack of comments from the people who live with me-- the only ones whom society might deem it appropriate to comment on weight gain lol).  I was griping about this set-back to myself recently, when I saw a silver lining.  You see, as I have continued to gain weight, I have also continued to go on dates and make new guy friends.  I weigh almost as much as I did when my friend made that very unkind comment 2 years ago.
What does this mean?  This means that my friend was absolutely wrong.  Whether people are interested in you or not, really doesn't depend as much on weight as we tend to think it does.
And you know what?  I am now grateful that I have gained this weight back, for if I hadn't, I would still be wondering.
I will add an addendum here, however-- I am still looking forward to losing weight when I have a regular routine with school again, and will be able to schedule regular exercise.  But I am coming to see weight less through the goggles of "do I look good?" and more through the goggles of, "am I healthy?".  That is the way I believe we all ought to look at our weight.

I would like to conclude with some quotes from President Gordon B. Hinckley,

I look upon my dear wife, soon to be 92 years of age. Her hair is white; her frame is stooped. I take one of her hands in mine and look at it. Once it was so beautiful, the flesh firm and clear. Now it is wrinkled and a little bony and not very strong. But it speaks of love and constancy and faith, of hard work through the years. Her memory is not what it once was. She can remember things that happened half a century ago but may not remember what happened half an hour ago. I am like that, too. But I am so grateful for her. For 66 years we have walked together, hand in hand, with love and encouragement, with appreciation and respect. It cannot be very long before one of us will step through the  veil. I hope the other will follow soon. I just would not know how to get along with her, even on the other side, and I would hope that she would not know how to get along without me.   

My dear [sisters], whatever your circumstances, wherever  you may live, may the windows of heaven be opened and blessings come down upon you. May you live with love one for another. May you reach down to lift up those whose burdens are heavy. May you bring light and beauty to the world and particularly into your homes and into the lives of your children.... Walk with pride. Hold your heads up. Work with diligence. Do whatever the Church asks you to do. Pray with faith. You may never know how much good you accomplish. Someone's life will be blessed by your effort. May you know the comforting, rewarding embrace of the Holy Spirit, I pray in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.  

--From "To the Women of the Church", Ensign Nov 2003.

 And lastly, I'd like to share this thought.  It may seem somewhat out of place, taken from its native speech, but I think one can strain from it an idea of true beauty, and the joyous beauty to be found in one's character.

I [have] looked into the eyes of beautiful women- women of virtue and strength and capacity, older women who knew much of struggle and disappointment and pain, young women who knew much of purpose and goodness and art and learning. I [have] looked into the eyes of children- beautiful and innocent and wonderful. 

--From "Rise to the Stature of the Divine within You", General Conference Oct 1989

And because I like pictures, here's a collage of some of my lovely friends and family-- it was soo hard to narrow it down, and I didn't even hunt for pictures more than a minute!  (Yes, there are a couple of men in these pictures... please don't get confused.)

And here are some lovely ladies whom I have had the privilege to find in front of my camera when I was feeling artsy...