Mormon's advice to Moroni

Moroni 9:25: My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written [pretty much he wrote about the end of their civilization] grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

I saw in this scripture, instructions on how to deal with the depressing things in life, without actually letting them depress you.
-be faithful in Christ, that he may lift you up
-remember his sufferings and death
-remember his appearance to the Nephites (see 3 Nephi)
-remember his mercy and long-suffering
-remember the hope of his glory and eternal life


Today is September 11th.  I really liked this article which President Monson wrote for the Washington Post.  Read the whole thing, but here are two things I really liked that he said:

We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the  years or the crises of our lives.

It is constancy that God would have from us.  Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were."

I really like that.  "Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives...."  When we partner with the Savior, even our mistakes can be turned to our advantage.  Try to maintain a consistent attitude of optimism and hope- I try to do this, but of course it is hard to do.  However, I know that through the Atonement, Christ truly can turn mistakes and destruction and horrible things into opportunities for us.  Opportunities for growth, love, happiness, and goodness.  Opportunities to become better people, or discover the true extent of our goodness and the goodness of those around us.

school papers and prayer

i was asked by a friend with an upcoming research paper due for school, if i had any advice on how to research?  i am by far not an expert (i do know some experts!), but i am comfortable with the research process, so i shared what i could and tried to be helpful.  after our conversation, i pulled out the magic book i have from my intro to college writing class which i took several years ago (On Writing, by Wendy Bishop) to see if I found any useful tidbits to pass along.

the author says (p 398) to think of research as it really is, "a process of finding out; that is, learning, as well as finding support for your ideas and presenting your thinking and arguments in the company of the thinking and arguments of others."

she goes on--
"all writers research.  they do this because they love to learn about the world in ways that inform their writing.  writers study the world: they observe it, they interview its inhabitants, they record the results of their studies and thoughts. ... whether consulting your memory or an on-line database, you're searching for information and voices to strengthen your own voice.  when you quote an authority, you show that you've considered the thoughts and positions of others.  you also align yourself with that individual in an ongoing, community discussion....  when readers realize you're grounded and connected- that you've done your researcher's homework, they begin to listen to your points with less resistance.  you gain a hearing and your views are respected."

i like the perspective she offers here-- it makes research seem like a more natural task and less daunting.  and maybe, just maybe, even fun!

i was thinking about this and realized that research for writing is a lot like praying (or giving a talk in church).  you start with a question, and then you research to come to an answer.  that research involves asking God, and it also involves utilizing the materials He's made available to us.  scriptures, conference talks, the ensign, other published materials, church leaders, friends and family, as well as more secular, non-religious materials.  in the process of getting information from all these sources, we become informed on our topic in question.  in fact, we become informed on more than just our specific question, but also on the general topics surrounding it.  eventually, we are able to consider all of this information and obtain an answer to our question.  sometimes we figure out that answer step by step as we ponder all we have researched.  sometimes, that answer is spoken by the Holy Spirit directly to our minds.  either way, the research we have done is critical to prepare our minds, so the answer can not only be accepted, but also understood.  when an answer to prayer comes to a prepared mind, the recipient is able to act upon it and then reap blessings and further direction.

Richard G Scott said, "it is a mistake to assume that every prayer we offer will be answered immediately.  some prayers require considerable effort on our part."  (see conference talk from 1989)  sometimes we have to do a lot of research to come to an answer.

let's consider the story of Joseph Smith Jr when he was just a young teenager.  he wanted to know which church to join, so he researched it.  not only did he go to the different churches in his area, but he spoke with the pastors and members and he spoke with with his family.  he considered all that each had to say.  he also read the scriptures and prayed about it.  he heeded he prompting of james 1:5 which addresses all those who lack wisdom, and prompts them to ask of God, who "giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not".  Joseph was determined to obtain an answer, so he heeded this call and went to a quiet place in the woods to pray vocally.  after a great struggle, he relates "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.  ... When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air.  One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other- This is My Beloved Son.  Hear Him!"  Joseph was visited by none other than God the Father and Jesus Christ.  his question was answered by Christ, who instructed him to join none of the religions- for they were all wrong and incomplete.  Joseph then became an instrument for Jesus Christ, to restore His gospel in its entirety upon the earth.  (See Joseph Smith-History)

research also informs answers we have already received.  D&C 8:1-2 reads "I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost."  Elder Scott elaborates, "When we receive an impression in our heart, we can use our mind either to rationalize it away or to accomplish it."  when we use our mind to help us accomplish impressions given to our hearts, that also often involves research.

a few years ago i was wanting to go back to school, but felt that my health at the time would not permit it.  i had spent a couple years praying, going to doctors, trying new medicines and treatments, going to the temple, and receiving priesthood blessings.  one summer i visited some friends at BYU-Idaho for a vacation.  while there, i also wanted to scope out the place, hoping that someday i may be well enough to attend.  during this trip, i felt impressed that i should start school there that very fall.  the semester was to start within 2 months from my vacation.  i had a to do a lot of work and research to make this happen.  i spoke with multiple administrative people on campus, sent a petition to the appeals committee, got a letter from my doctor, scouted out housing, and discussed my decision with my family (who all then rallied behind me in support).  it happened, and about 2 months after receiving the answer to go to school, i began my studies at BYU-Idaho.  it was nothing short of a series of miracles which enabled me to make it there.  but i had to prepare myself for those miracles, and i had to research all of the options available to me.

i know that through prayer, personal study, and action, we can receive answers to our questions and direction in our lives.  i know that as we pattern our life in all ways after gospel principles, we will be blessed.  asking God and then studying out our concerns is a gospel process- an eternal method- for obtaining knowledge and answers.  if this process is followed, we will be blessed in all aspects of our lives.

friendship and happiness

"bear one another's burdens, that they may be light"  -Mosiah 18:8
I was talking to a friend today about friendship.  When you choose to be happy- and learn how,  you find that a lot of negative people drop out of your life, and a lot of positive ones drop in.  It's not really a conscious decision, it's just that we attract people like ourselves.  when we're miserable, we tend to hang out with other miserable people.  when we're happy, healthy people, we find ourselves surrounded by other happy people.  you see, sometimes good, well-intending, caring people try to help other people bear their burdens, however they get caught up in it- and then those burdens never become light, they just get shared around and continue to make everyone miserable.  that's not how God wants it to be.
"...and men are that they might have joy." (2 Ne 2:25)  Help someone bear their burden, and then be happy.
The verses following "bear one another's burdens" include mourning with those that mourn, standing with those that are in need of comfort, and standing as a witness of God at all times, in all things, and all places.  And then we are told what the point is for doing all of this: "that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life".
My friend pointed out that the result of loving and helping others is interestingly self-centered in a way.  When I make a pattern of helping people selflessly, the result is an eternity of God-like happiness for me.
So don't get caught up in drama and suffering.  Help people when they're hurting, but don't forget the end goal.  The end goal is to be with God, to be like God, and to be happy.  And while being physically with and truly like God are things that will take quite some time, being happy doesn't have to.  Being happy can happen just as soon as you learn to live your life happily.  And when you remember this end goal, the people you help will be better off.  Your happiness will rub off on them, and truly help their burdens to become light.

faith and answers to prayer

There was a wonderful quote shared either in Sunday School or Relief Society today.  The following quote was shared,

When we seek inspiration to help makes decisions, the Lord gives gentle promptings.  These require us to think, to exercise faith, to work, to struggle at times, and to act.  Seldom does the whole answer to a decisively important matter or complex problem come all at once.  More often, it comes a piece at a time, without the end in sight.

I loved that quote so much, I google searched until I found the talk.  It's from a talk called, "Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer" by Richard G Scott.  Go read it.  It's great.
I learned that when the answer to prayer is yes, it's encouragement to take confidence.  When the answer is no, it's keep us from making mistakes.  But the real kicker Elder Scott addresses, is that sometimes the answer to a prayer is withheld.  Or it comes in pieces.  When this happens, it is to encourage us to act.  As Elder Scott says:

When he withholds an answer, it is to have us grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth.  We are expected to assume accountability by acting on decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation.  we are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken.  We are to act."

We are to act.  I love it.  I love the principle of action- of how Heavenly Father encourages us to go out and actually use our ability to choose.  Indeed, Paul said to Timothy, "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  (2 Timothy 1:7)
Faith would not be so powerful if it were easy.  I choose to have faith.  I choose to have faith that Heavenly Father and Christ love me, they are guiding me, and that the things I have felt to be answers to prayer are truly Their wishes for me.  I will have doubts, but in those moments I will again choose faith.

PS- dreams come true

1 year (and a couple weeks) ago, I wrote this post- a general update on my life.  In it, I wrote the following paragraph regarding work:

I like being a paraeducator and I really enjoy working in special ed.  It's also fun, as a substitute, to go around the district and see how different teachers run their different classrooms.  Very educational for me and helpful in generating ideas for how I want to teach my own kids someday.
But the scheduling of a substitute sucks and is something that has ended up being really hard for me.  It used to be good because I would work work work and then get sick and take time off no problem.  And then I went to school and was able to cut way back my working hours so I could study... no problem (except a decrease in income, obviously).  But now it's to the point for me that I don't really like my job.  I mean, I often enjoy it when I get to wherever I'm subbing, but at the same time, I don't come home from work with a sense of satisfaction that I made a difference and stretched myself today.  Usually I come home with a sense of satisfaction from simply knowing that I made money today.  I don't want that out of a job and to be honest, it is not enough to get me out of bed in the morning when I don't feel well.  This may be a character flaw in me, but it is the way I am (at least for the time being).  Last summer I made a "bucket list" of sorts and on that list is "work in an emergency room".  I think I might just pursue that.  It appeals to me, I think would really enjoy the job, learn and see a lot, make decent money, and be doing something that will be good for whatever career in medicine/health care I decide to go into.  I've still got more praying to do about it, but at this point I'm thinking I'll start pursuing it after I have recovered from my upcoming surgery.

It just tickles my fancy to think that 1 year ago, I had a dream to work in an ER.  And it really was a dream-- I didn't have much reason to see it happening, as I wasn't even a certified CNA, let alone my only experience was in CNA school-- and almost zero brand new CNA's get a job anywhere other than a nursing home.  But I had this dream, and I decided to pursue it.  And Heavenly Father helped me out.  1-2 months after this post, I found out about scribing.  It sounded like a dream job to me-- I couldn't believe it actually existed!!  I wanted this job sooo bad!  And I talked to my family about how awesome it would be all the time.  I could see myself doing the job and enjoying it.  I knew that's what I wanted to do.  I could have spent a lot of time doubting whether or not I'd get it- how competitive would I be anyways?  And then come Easter, my current job fell in my lap.  I now work in an emergency room.  And you know what?  I absolutely love it.

fear not

"One of the biggest challenges about bringing down old barriers is that sometimes old weaknesses return that you thought were long gone. But now instead of burying them, you have to learn to either live with them or control them, so that they don't control you and who you are or want to be!"  -Brian Hanks

Thank you for sharing that thought, sir.  It's quite apropo for me right now.  I don't really have much to add to it, 'cuz he pretty much summed it up.  But I wanted to do something so I'd remember it, so here I am, posting on the blog.

I was reading in Luke yesterday.  In Luke 8 there are a few notable stories.  For the past few years I've been inspired by the story of the woman with an issue of blood.  She'd spent all the money she had on doctors, and not a one had been able to heal her.  She believed that if she just touched the hem of Christ's garment she would be healed.  So she did, and she was.  Despite the throng of people pressing around Him, Christ felt it because, as He says, He felt virtue go out of him.  He asked and asked who it was who had touched him, and she finally came forward.  He said, "Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace."  I love that story, because it inspires me to get nearer to Christ so I may be healed.

In the following versus is a related message about healing.  Right before He healed the woman with an issue of blood, a man named Jairus had come to him, asking him to please come to his house and heal his 12 year old daughter, who was dying.  Jesus was delayed by the crowd which surrounded him, and someone from Jairus' house came saying the girl had died.  Christ said, "fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole."  There's a little more to this story, which I'll let you read for yourself, but the end results (spoiler alert!!) is that the little girl is healed and lives.  What I love is the simple instructions Christ gives us.

Fear not:  believe only, and [you] shall be  made whole

How simple, yet wonderful, is that command.  It gives me hope.  I know I will be healed from my migraines someday, it just takes time.  And frankly, to be honest, I am already being healed of them.  It's just a process.  For some reason, it's best for me to not be healed all at once, but by degrees.

One of my doctors at work the other day was asking about my migraines, how bad they used to be, what I tried, how they are now, etc etc.  I told him of how I barely passed high school, and for the year afterwards couldn't work or go to school for the severity of them.  I finally figured out a few triggers, which made it better, but not enough that I felt comfortable going back to school or working.  But then there came a time when I just felt it was right to go back to school (this was almost 4 years ago), despite the fact that my migraines were still pretty bad.  I didn't go into any detail, but I told him clearly that I can't think of anything I tried that made them better and made it so I was able to be successful in my classes when I went back.  I simply prayed and had faith, and they got better- not all the way better, but enough so that I could go for two semesters with at not quite but almost full time.  It was nice to share that simple and brief testimony as I answered his questions.

The past 2-3 weeks my migraines have been worse, I think because the Botox has worn off.  That's okay.  It just gives me more hope for when I get my next round of Botox (I'm hoping for late March).  I'm still eating more sugar than I should, but it's a lot less than I was previously- so that's good.  I did yoga 3 times last week- go me! I felt like I was going to die because it's hot yoga and I wasn't used to it, etc etc.  But it's getting better.  I've only done it once so far this week, but I'll get in one or two more sessions before the week is out.

Since realizing a couple weeks ago the miracle that I've held a full-time job for over 9 months now, I've felt repeatedly grateful for that.  The last time I did something full time for over 9 months was... about 6 years ago.  Maybe 7, actually.  (It's a marvel to me that it's been so long since I first got sick.)  Looking at things from that perspective, it's easier to not feel so bad about not having a degree yet.  Doing something full-time for 9 months for the first time in 6 or 7 years-- that is a HUGE step!!  HUGE!  As in, humungous, monumental, magnificent, fantastic.... I'll run out of adjectives long before I run out of excitement.  I am learning to choose to appreciate this for what it is-- a huge step, a big deal; and a sign that Christ not only loves me, but is active in my life- guiding me and healing me.

So, fear not.  Believe.  You will be made whole.  It just might take awhile, and that's okay.

a new year?

Hmmm.... it's a new year and I haven't posted since last year!  It's late and I should be sleeping, but we'll do a quick update.

1) work continues to be awesome and I love it.  a couple weeks ago a man passed out in the radiology department.  ER staff was called over, and I followed my doc- let's call him Fred.  They started CPR.  Fred grabbed some trauma shears, and starting cutting the man's coat off him.  Well, it was one of those coats which is packed with feathers, so when he cut into it, the feathers exploded.  All of a sudden, you had 6 people in a radiology lobby, crowded around a man, performing CPR and breathing for him with a bag-valve mask.... with feathers which appeared like snow, floating all around them.  There was something kind of magical about it, and I'm afraid I can't begin to do it justice in this description.  It was kind of like a movie... with some Sarah McLachlen song playing in the background.

2)  I've started exercising again recently!  (And by recently, I mean-- this week haha.)  For the next few weeks, it will be hot yoga.  After that, my special groupon deal (20 sessions for $40) will expire, and then I'll probably just join a gym or something.  I made a deal with my physiatrist that I have to be exercising regularly to get another round of Botox.  And (dun dun dun!) if I don't, he has permission to give me a talking-to.  Yikes!

3)  Speaking of Botox, I got some back in October.  No, it's not for wrinkles (which I wouldn't have anyways, as I'm in my early-mid 20's), it's for migraines.  The idea is that it paralyzes muscles in the head which contribute to the migraines.  My insurance approved 2 rounds of it.  1 round usually lasts 2-3 months. I think it really helped-- the fact that I was able to work like crazy without any intense, long-lasting, or hard-to-treat migraines popping up is my testament to that.  I believe it's worn off now, as in the past couple weeks I feel like I'm starting to get migraines a little more frequently.  Another thing the Botox seemed to help with was my constant, low-grade headache.  I've had that headache 24/7 for 5 or 6 years now.  I think there were a couple points about a month or two ago when that headache was almost gone.  I remember driving and thinking "do I have a headache?"  It's a little hard to tell sometimes when you're used to it being there all the time, so it took me a moment.  I had just the slightest pressure in my forehead, so it was still there, but just barely.  Tiny enough that I almost wonder if I thought it into existence.  On a pain scale of 1-10, I would have rated it in that moment as a 0.5.  Which is awesome.  The idea with the second round of Botox is that even after the Botox wears off, the relaxing effect on my muscles will be more permanent, leaving a long-term relief.  Last time my doc only gave me shots in a few places in my head (a couple in the forehead, a couple on each side of the head, and a couple at the back of the head).  Next time we'll do a bunch of shots all over.  That will kind of suck while it's happening, but I'm positive will be more than worth it 5 days later when the stuff starts kicking in.

In case you couldn't tell, I get really excited about medical stuff and the prospect of my migraines being better.

4)  I've started thinking about Med school.  It's a long way off as I don't even have an AA yet (which fact I have accepted and is only slightly distressing to me nowadays), but the more I work at my job, the more I could see myself being a doctor.  I think it's work I would really really enjoy.  What would I want to specialize in?  I dunno.... Emergency medicine, neurology, physiatry, and hem/onc are all on my mind.  Surgery would be cool because I like looking at guts, but I have a feeling I wouldn't actually go with it.  Anyways, that's all far off, and so for now, jsut a dream.  ... Just a dream that I'll start working towards.

5)  Related to that, I'm sad to not be in school right now.  But I prayed about it, and I really feel that right now is a time to take a break from school.  Focus on my health.  Pay off some debt.  Save up some money. Etc etc.  I also think that it's been good for my pride to have my education pursue a more delayed, alternate route.  If I had graduated at age 21 or 22 like I had planned, there's a chance I might be a bit of a snoot.  Not on purpose, of course, but I think it could happen.  It's also been good to learn that God is in charge of my life- not me.  Oh, and perhaps one of the most important lessons is something along the line of Heavenly Father loves me, no matter what, and I am of value to Him even if I have not accomplished what I thought I should have by now.  One can be a good, successful person, without achieving many milestones which the world values as most important.  That whole idea is a whole other post in itself.

6)  My auntie got me a kindle for Christmas.  I've had my nose stuck in that thing ever since.  It's nice to feel like a book worm again.

7)  I'm tired from being extroverted and peppy last year.  It's time for sleep and time to myself.  And family.  And close friends.


I think we'll call that it for now.  It's super late, as I didn't get off work till after midnight.  I'll leave something amusing with you.  Was talking to a friend when he asked, "have you ever wondered how someone feels having a disease named after them?"  naturally, the conversation turned to naming a disease after him.

Meet the Rutherford Reaction: a temporary, psychosomatic reaction, usually in un-married persons, triggered by interactions with the opposite sex.  criteria for diagnosis: 1) an erythematous, non-pruritic, non-maculopapular rash of the skin over the zygomatic arch, 2) a subjective fever, 3) disequilibrium, and 4) agoraphobia.

What would the Sager Syndrome be??