PS- dreams come true

1 year (and a couple weeks) ago, I wrote this post- a general update on my life.  In it, I wrote the following paragraph regarding work:

I like being a paraeducator and I really enjoy working in special ed.  It's also fun, as a substitute, to go around the district and see how different teachers run their different classrooms.  Very educational for me and helpful in generating ideas for how I want to teach my own kids someday.
But the scheduling of a substitute sucks and is something that has ended up being really hard for me.  It used to be good because I would work work work and then get sick and take time off no problem.  And then I went to school and was able to cut way back my working hours so I could study... no problem (except a decrease in income, obviously).  But now it's to the point for me that I don't really like my job.  I mean, I often enjoy it when I get to wherever I'm subbing, but at the same time, I don't come home from work with a sense of satisfaction that I made a difference and stretched myself today.  Usually I come home with a sense of satisfaction from simply knowing that I made money today.  I don't want that out of a job and to be honest, it is not enough to get me out of bed in the morning when I don't feel well.  This may be a character flaw in me, but it is the way I am (at least for the time being).  Last summer I made a "bucket list" of sorts and on that list is "work in an emergency room".  I think I might just pursue that.  It appeals to me, I think would really enjoy the job, learn and see a lot, make decent money, and be doing something that will be good for whatever career in medicine/health care I decide to go into.  I've still got more praying to do about it, but at this point I'm thinking I'll start pursuing it after I have recovered from my upcoming surgery.

It just tickles my fancy to think that 1 year ago, I had a dream to work in an ER.  And it really was a dream-- I didn't have much reason to see it happening, as I wasn't even a certified CNA, let alone my only experience was in CNA school-- and almost zero brand new CNA's get a job anywhere other than a nursing home.  But I had this dream, and I decided to pursue it.  And Heavenly Father helped me out.  1-2 months after this post, I found out about scribing.  It sounded like a dream job to me-- I couldn't believe it actually existed!!  I wanted this job sooo bad!  And I talked to my family about how awesome it would be all the time.  I could see myself doing the job and enjoying it.  I knew that's what I wanted to do.  I could have spent a lot of time doubting whether or not I'd get it- how competitive would I be anyways?  And then come Easter, my current job fell in my lap.  I now work in an emergency room.  And you know what?  I absolutely love it.

to my future children

I watched a blog video clip from this strong woman (go to her blog, and if you can donate, please do).  It was from the beginning of the year and I just closed out of the page and it would take me awhile to find it again, and it was even on a different blog of hers.  Anyways, in her video clip, the woman speaks to her future children about her anorexia.  She talks about how she loves her anorexia (she talks about this a lot in her blog, too), but how she loves them more, and she wants to beat the anorexia so she can give birth to them and be a good mother to them.  This touched me, and I just felt I had to share my feelings about it.  I pray that I will say what needs to be said, and know to leave out what is not appropriate or kosher to share with the entire web.
Most of my friends and family know I was in love and engaged 2 years ago.  I'm not really shy about sharing this- just as, once asked, I'm not really shy about sharing most things in my life (or mind).  Ironic, considering I was so shy, I used to hide behind my dad's leg when I was little.  Anyways, during my engagement- particularly the beginning (while, imo, it was still pretty healthy and right)- I felt very close to God.  And I felt very close to angels.  And I loved my children.  Not that I have any yet, but I knew I would.  And I felt so close to them.  When we broke up, I felt like I lost them, and in some ways, that was even harder than breaking up.  Because I already loved them.  Somehow, loving them helped me get through that difficult, insane, confusing, upside-down, life-spinning-out-of-control time of my life.
Fast forward to today.  I feel sane, and happy.  Sometimes I really miss feeling close to my children.  I like who I am.  I honestly continue to struggle with being happy with where I am in life (my mind tells me, do more, be more), but I know God loves me, and frankly, I love me, too.  And lately I've had a lot of people tell me they love me, too.  It's weird and often unexpected, but I totally appreciate it.
Anyways...

To my future children
I don't know who you are yet, but I love you.  I don't have a family or a home for you yet (kinda need a husband for that), but I'm excited to have you come.  Thank you for waiting for me.  Thank you for being the wonderful spirits you are.  Loving you motivates me to do hard things.  I hope I can live healthily, so I can teach you how to be healthy.  I hope I live close to Christ so I can teach you to expect His influence in your lives daily.  I hope, despite my weaknesses,  that you never question my commitment to the Kingdom of God.  I hope you always know I love you.  I hope I can teach you what it means to be emotionally healthy- just as my mother, and her mother, have taught me.  I hope you love Heavenly Father, never doubt your divinity, and trust in His Plan.  And lastly, I hope you know how grateful I am for you.


Thank you, Camilla, The Night Baker, for sharing your story.

the temple. and me.

I have half-written posts in my head, but I just haven't felt like writing much lately.  My septoplasty two-and-a-half weeks ago went very well.  I've noticed some interesting and positive changes since then.  Perhaps I'll talk about them sometime soon.  I've been tired lately and prone to headaches from overdoing things, so I've spent a lot of time at home photoshopping and watching shows like Castle and Bones.  I thought I would spend more time reading, writing, and studying, but I've found that I just haven't had the mental energy for it.  This past week I started journeying outside of the home to study and prepare for my CNA exam.  That has been good.  Oh, and I have in the past couple weeks practiced piano, mandolin, and flute a fair amount more than normal.  That's nice as well.

So anyways, I don't really have the mental energy to share anything profound.  So here's a semi-random scripture and a picture and quote of the temple.

"For behold, and lo, the Lord is God, and the Spirit beareth record, and the record is true, and the truth abideth forever and ever.  Amen."  -- D&C 1:39

Truth is truth.  It is eternal and reliable.  Just like God.  The Spirit, or Holy Ghost, bears record of Truth; of God.  The best way to truly know our Heavenly Father is to do things which invite the Spirit into our lives.  If we ask with faith for knowledge from our Heavenly Father- for truth and a testimony of it!- the Holy Ghost will leave a record of that Truth written on our hearts.  Then that truth is seared to our character.  It becomes a part of us and acting contrary to it becomes against our very nature.  This leads us to be more like Christ.

And a picture of the temple... because it's awesome and I love it.  The quote is about sacrificing for the temple. I know that when we sacrifice to go to the temple and serve and have one-on-one time with our Father (who loves us!), we are richly blessed.  Every expense and every inconvenience I have (and will) ever experienced has been worth it.  I know that my health has improved over the past three years because I made the temple a priority in my life.  I truly believe that if I had not followed the prompting of the Holy Ghost to go and worship regularly and frequently, I would not have been able to do all of the things I have done in the past three years.  I would not have gone to BYU-Idaho.  I would not have worked full time at Kentlake High School.  I would not have gotten engaged and I would not have survived the break-up.  I would not have gone back to Green River Community College and earned 3.9's and 4.0's in all my classes last year.  I would not have gone to Guyana.  I would not have been led to the very physicians who could help me most.

I don't know what my life would be like right now without this gospel and without the temple.  Maybe I would still be where I was three years ago- not able to work or go to school.  Maybe I wouldn't.  All I know is that I have experienced miracles and been given incredible opportunities.  I credit those miracles and opportunities to the love and mercy of my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ and I credit them to the very real power and strength which come from the temple.

you're being watched!

So I was looking at the stats for both this blog and my photo blog. Recently most people have gotten here from facebook directing them to my Guyana post. No surprise there. What's fun is to see the countries viewers are from.... Mostly the US, some Canada, UK, Netherlands, and China. Wow surprising.

Even more surprising, however, are the stats of viewers for my photo blog. By the way, go to google images and do a search for Seahawks drumline. the 7th picture that comes up is mine... as well as a few others. Apparently I've gotten traffic that way. Awesome. But that also makes me feel like I should've put my name on those photos. I think I uploaded them at a small size, though, so that's okay. I put my name on all photos now.

Anyways, here's a screenshot of the viewer stats for my photo blog. Interesting, eh?