"here we are and here we will stay"

Less than four days until I leave for my grand adventure to Guyana. As I finished filling out some insurance claims forms, I came across a quote from President Brigham Young I had carefully copied one day months ago during church. It's a beautiful quote and I felt it a shame to simply place it back inside my big notebook, to be forgotten about for a few more months. So I will share it here that not only may I have more opportunity to reflect on and remember it, but so that you (whoever you are) may enjoy it as well.

If you are LDS, you already know about Brother Brigham. If you are not, I will tell you the basics-- he was the second prophet after Christ's church was restored to this Earth. He is famous for leading the Mormons from Nauvoo, IL to middle-of-nowhere Utah. He was a pivotal person in the movement of people to the West. When he and the Saints first arrived in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847, President Young declared, "this is the right place".

Life was hard in newly settled Utah, and some of the Saints wanted to journey out and find gold. What did Brigham tell them? (enter my awesome quote)

God has appointed this place for the gathering of his saints... Those who stop here and are faithful to God and his people will make more money and get richer than you that run after the god of this world.... We have been kicked out of the frying pan into the fire, out of the fire into the middle of the floor, and here we are and here we will stay. God has shown me that this is the spot to locate his people, and here is where they will prosper; he will temper the elements for the good of his Saints; he will rebuke the frost and the sterility of the soil, and the land shall become fruitful. Brethren, go to now, and plant out your fruit seeds. . . .

What does this mean to me? A lot. During the summer of 2010 I was praying about whether or not I should withdraw from BYU-Idaho and come home that fall. I fasted about it and went to the temple. On the way to the temple I passed by a fellow who was on the phone, reading his scriptures out loud. I heard him say, "go down into the valley which is northward". I was so astonished at this (for those of you who don't know, my home in Washington is in a valley-area... and WA is north of Idaho) that I turned around and asked the young man where he had been reading. He answered "Ether 1", the last two verses of which read

...thou shalt go at the head of them down into the valley which is northward. And there will I meet thee, and I will go before thee into a land which is choice above all the lands of the earth. And there will I bless thee and thy seed, and raise up unto me of thy seed, and of the seed of thy brother, and they who shall go with thee, a great nation. And there shall be none greater than the nation which I will raise up unto me of thy seed, upon all the face of the earth. And thus I will do unto thee because this long time ye have cried unto me.

Jesus Christ has a history of bringing his people away from their comfort zones into a land prepared for them. He led the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt; he led Lehi and his family out of Jerusalem before it was destroyed; and in the above scripture, He is preparing the prophet and his brother, Jared, to lead their families and friends to the promised land. He led Christopher Columbus to discover the Americas! Christ prepares a beautiful land for his people to prosper, multiply, raise children, and grow in freedom as they worship Him. Was not the United States a nation formed by the hand of God?

Our great Captain (or Pilot) does not reserve His hand for mass exoduses. Instead, I believe that He guides us each to our own promised land- sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. He literally led me back home to Washington and I believe "here [I am] and here [I] will stay" (for now... and except for my upcoming trip to Guyana ;) ). And what has He promised me if I am faithful to God, his people, and go to now and plant my seeds? He promises me that He will temper the elements for my good, He will rebuke the frost and sterility of the soil, and this land will become fruitful for me.

I know this is true and I know that this is what He is doing in my life now. I know that He is providing me rich opportunities now- right where I am in my life!-- to do and learn things to not only serve His children, but to also be prepared to be a mother to some of His sacred little ones who so desire to come to Earth and gain bodies. I'm excited (and a bit intimidated haha) to be a mother someday and I am grateful for the opportunities I am given now at my young age to build a foundation for not only my life, but for my future family and my children.

1. An account of the awesome life of Brigham Young is found here and here.
2. "Our Very Survival", a neat talk on prophets given by Elder Kevin R Duncan.
3. The speech, "These Noble Pioneers" (by the prophet Gordon B Hinckley) where this quote and the story surrounding it can be found in entirety.
4. "Christopher Columbus: Inspired Seaman". Written for children.

my camera. note to self.

why do i always feel embarrassed when professionals ask me what kind of camera i have? honestly, i love taking pictures, i like making money for it when i can, my camera was a very generous gift from my grandfather, photoshop was something my father was blessedly in the position to give, and someday (hopefully soon) i'll be able to start saving up for a nice canon or nikon body + lens, but in the meantime i'm totally privileged to associate with and learn from wonderful photographers!

so i need not have an inferiority complex when asked what kind of camera i have. so what if my camera isn't a DSLR, or i don't have a really cool f/1.8 lens (drool), or a telefoto lens (again, drool)? at very little cost to myself, i have the tools i need to develop photographic skill and that, in the long run, is extraordinarily valuable.

i feel like i'm fighting a cultural thing that teaches if you don't have the latest and greatest toy (piece of technology or whatever that "toy" be), you can't succeed. you must be competitive on every level as soon as possible and (here's the real kicker), if you have to go into debt for this, then do it.

i'm okay with taking the risk of calculated debt. that's what i'm doing for this guyana trip. but as things stand, i can't afford expensive camera equipment, and i have more important things to save up for in the meantime. so for now, i will drool over my friends' and peers' cameras and enjoy the wonderful camera and tools i have and use them to develop the best photography skill i can.

that is my reply to the "i should"s i have inside my brain that needed silencing.

the end.

this is crazy!

"i gotta share this on facebook, this is some crazy stuff!"

- what i would say about what i learn about occupy wallstreet, occupy seattle, etc.

- what my sister says about the newly discovered cyclops shark

that's right. i'm a sage.

so the boy she likes happens to like her. he also happens to play city of heroes, which is the online RPG that my dad and step-brother recently got her into. so it's their day off of school and she's complaining that he won't stop texting her to get online and play with him and she keeps telling him that she can't get on the computer right now. so finally she told him that he needs to level up to play with her. he responded by asking when she'd be able to play.

my advice? text him back and say,

"if you don't stop texting me, you will never level up"

mission accomplishment before personal safety

My brother had his first ever migraine last night. He said "I'd rather get kicked in the nuts."

I got to advise him a lot on what's good and bad for migraines and what they actually are. That was fun. I always like talking about the pathophysiology of migraines.

He even made a comment about having more sympathy for me now. My response of "yeah, I felt that for about 2 years straight" was the closest I came to saying "I told you so". He was very nice about it and laughed. It's nice to have someone in my home now who has had a migraine. He agreed that you truly don't understand what they're like until you've had one. Now, he had whopper of a migraine which involved a night long of dry heaving, but I'm grateful he understands now. It's encouraging to me.

He was a little worried about them coming frequently, but he doesn't have a family history of migraines so I think he's pretty safe. he seemed relieved to hear that.

Part of my routine when I get a migraine is to stop. Just stop. And take care of myself, so when I'm feeling better I can get back into things full swing. This is mostly bred out of self-preservation-- I tried the keep-going-with-a-migraine thing and the result was constant migraines for a long time, failed classes, lost weight (muscle mass, unfortunately), couldn't eat much.... you get the picture. So to avoid total incapacitation, I generally don't "push through" a migraine. Rob is now sitting and reading a book, per non-doctor's orders, but that was only after doing some work on chores. I told him he really should sit down and take care of himself before doing all that so it didn't get worse, but the movement seemed to help the muscular component and he proclaimed the USMC mindset of "mission accomplishment before personal safety". I admire that, and so long as he doesn't get recurrent migraines, that will work in his favor (and given his family history, I don't think he's likely to have recurrent migraines).

I don't think that mindset would work for me, but then again, maybe it would? I think the key is in following the prophetic counsel of King Benjamin,

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order. (Mosiah 4:27)

So, don't run faster than you have strength. But use the strength you have-- discover it, increase it, and diligently pursue your dreams.

you're being watched!

So I was looking at the stats for both this blog and my photo blog. Recently most people have gotten here from facebook directing them to my Guyana post. No surprise there. What's fun is to see the countries viewers are from.... Mostly the US, some Canada, UK, Netherlands, and China. Wow surprising.

Even more surprising, however, are the stats of viewers for my photo blog. By the way, go to google images and do a search for Seahawks drumline. the 7th picture that comes up is mine... as well as a few others. Apparently I've gotten traffic that way. Awesome. But that also makes me feel like I should've put my name on those photos. I think I uploaded them at a small size, though, so that's okay. I put my name on all photos now.

Anyways, here's a screenshot of the viewer stats for my photo blog. Interesting, eh?

me, as of late

Well, as you can probably tell by the time of this post, I have had some trouble sleeping lately. Actually, you could just as easily think that I woke up early, and that would be true.... sort of. I woke up really early. I was doing pretty well at that during summer quarter, but then there was that 3 week period or so between the end of school and the beginning of my job with the school district. I'm pretty sure that wrecked my nice new habit. [note, i began this at about 5:30am... then finally fell back asleep for awhile, then went out and took some pictures. thus why it wasn't submitted at the early time i was talking about. just in case you actually checked the time down at the bottom here and wondered...]

anyways...

First we'll cover the latest on Guyana. (If you don't know what I'm talking about when I say Guyana, please go here.) My fundraising page is up! I'm almost halfway to the $2500 I need to raise! (The fundraising page only says 2,000 but I think that might be because they took my deductible out of the total or something.) I'm amazed at how quickly people have offered their support and how generous so many people have been (whether they have a lot of money or a little). We've still got a little ways to go, but I'm not worried. I truly believe this is what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing right now and I know the the opportunity has come straight from Him. Since this is the case, I am not very worried about it working out. I think of 1 Nephi 3:7~

"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing he hath commanded them."

I also like the words from the Children's Primary song about Nephi:

"The Lord commanded Nephi to go and build a boat.

Nephi's older brothers said it would not float.

Laughing and mocking they said he should not try.

Nephi was courageous and this was his reply:

I will go, I will do

the things the Lord commands

I know the Lord provides a way

He wants me to obey."

So I finally took the leap and decided to try hot yoga. I LOVE it. Every time I do it I like it even more. The heat/yoga combination is particularly helpful for my angry, trigger-point-filled muscles in my neck, shoulders, and upper back (they are large contributers to my headahces & migraines). Hot yoga helps the muscles to loosen up and calm down enough so that I can work out the knots and also strengthen my muscles without freaking them out and making it worse. It feels sooo good!

Also on the healthfront, I have a deviated septum with a dust mite allergy resulting in chronic allergic rhinits.... an ongoing sinus infection. The amazing doctor of magic, Dr McBride, has done an awesome job of diagnosing and treating me. But because of my pretty marked deviated septum (my left nostril is half as big as my right), we can't cure the sinus infection completely without my getting a septoplasty... a surgical procedure where they fix my deviated septum... aka a "nose job". Because of the trigeminal nerve which hangs out around your sinuses, your forehead, and your jaw, there's a possibility that my headaches are caused by sinus/nasal problems. I am, in the words of a wise YSA Relief Society President, "cautiously optimistic". I am hoping to have the nose surgery before the end of this year, but that'll depend on my doctor and my insurance.

And... the sun is beautiful this morning! With beautiful fog! I just went out took some pictures. I am uploading them now :)

guyana note

had a skype meeting with ve'ahavta this morning. getting so so excited about going! learned more about what we'll be doing, who we'll be helping, and the culture, politics, history and economy of guyana. did you know that guyana is home to one of two "untouched" rainforests on the earth? that's where the indiginous amerindian people live, and that's where we'll spend our time helping. (yes, i may wake up to the sound of a howler monkey.) most of the population actually lives on the coast, however, where it's a mix of various cultures but predominatly people of indian and african descent (from the history of slavery and then indentured servitude when it was a dutch/british colony).

interesting, eh?

next thought-- anyone in the kent area have a pelican box i could borrow for the trip? (or something similar-- to keep my camera dry when there's a storm or in case my bag falls out of the canoe or whatever)

words of the prophets & to the anonymous young man

Words of the Prophets

(or other church leaders)

Some Church members feel weighed down with discouragement about the circumstances of their personal lives, even when they are making sustained and admirable efforts. Frequently, these feelings of self-disappointment come not from wrongdoing, but from stresses and troubles for which we may not be fully to blame. The Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to these experiences because it applies to all of life. The Savi

or can wipe away all of our tears, after all we can do....

Mercy and repentance are rehabilitative, not retributive. The Savior asks us to repent not just to repay him for paying our debt to justice, but also to induce us to undergo the personal development that will purify our very nature. The “natural man” will remain an enemy to God forever—even after paying for his own sins—unless he also “becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord.” (Mosiah 3:19.)...

Life is a school, a place for us to learn and grow. We, like Adam and Eve, experience “growing pains” through the sorrow and contamination of a lone and dreary world. These experiences may include sin, but they also include mistakes, disappointments, and the undeserved pain of adversity. The blessed news of the gospel is that the Atonement of Jesus Christ can purify all the uncleanness and sweeten all the bitterness we taste....

...the Savior’s grace can bless us, beyond its compensation for our sins, in our quest for divine perfection. While much of the perfection process involves a healing from sin and bitterness, the process involves an additional, affirmative dimension through which we may acquire a Christlike nature, becoming even as the Father and Son are.

...while no other success of ours can compensate for our failures within or outside our homes, there is a success that can compensate when we cannot, after we conscientiously do all we can. That success is the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which can mend what for us is beyond repair. Perhaps, I thought, that holy influence could even do for this man’s son what it did for the younger Alma.

Bruce C. Hafen "Beauty for Ashes"

So I occasionally follow this blog. I don't remember how I got started on it. Seems like it has something to do with EFY or Hannah (Bush) Ryan. I don't always agree with Bro Jo's stance on things (mostly it seems like he makes general rules out of things that should be guidelines and with consideration prayerfully adopted or adapted to a person's individual situation. but that's a whole other discussion), but in this most recent post, I agreed with him 100% and my heart went out to the anonymous young man who sent the email. I ended up leaving a comment and figured I'd post it here.

missions are good but at this point, you absolutely need to be focused on repenting. many a young man has gone through addiction and served an honorable mission (i know some). many have also have not, but still turned out to be admirable men who married in the temple and are wonderful fathers and priesthood holders (i know some of those as well). if you don't go on a mission right away at 19 or even at all, it will be hard because at your age everyone asks about it. your bishop, close friends, and loving family can help you figure out how to navigate in an honest and dignified way.

my heart goes out to you. it is soo good that you chose to take this step and email bro jo. let your bishop become one of your best friends. i've had bishops i felt it difficult to connect with, but when i prayed about it the Lord eventually blessed me with the experiences i needed to know, trust, and truly love my bishop.

be completely honest with yourself- about your mistakes, the consequences, your future, and also your talents, skills, and gifts. pornography is definitely destructive to the soul, but satan would have you believe that it has taken over and eliminated everything else. this is simply not true. remember that you DO have righteous desires and cherish those. keep them in that special, sacred place in your heart and never, ever, stop hoping and having faith that through the Atonement and mercy of Christ, those desires will surely be fulfilled. focus on the repentance process, particularly using the church's addiction recovery program and other similar resources. this 12-step program will teach you how to utilize the Atonement in your every day life to overcome addiction, codependency, depression, self-hate, self-destructive thinking, and other unproductive habits.

the Lord loves you. i've no idea who you are, but i love you. my heart goes out to you and i sense that, like many who struggle with this same problem, you are truly a valiant soul who feels deeply, is intelligent and talented.

God bless.

Resources

• LDS Addiction Recovery Program (includes 12-step group locations and times and the 12-step book)
• Heart t' Heart a 12-step LDS group run by a couple experienced with the devestation pornography can bring and the joy the Atonement can restore. this group has many great resources.
• Clean Hands, Pure Heart book, written by Bro. Harrison of Heart t' Heart. he shares his own experience in achieving recovery from pornography addiction and has written this book as a guide through the 12 steps. (he and Sis Harrison have written other books as well-- I highly recommend them to anyone who struggles with addiction- whether it be their own or that of a loved one.)