november 16, 2006 10:59pm
Soo... I'm home now.... and strangeness...... so, I called my folks and asked if they could come pick me up- lo and behold, they were in bed!! how's that work?! Well, Scott had somehow thought that I did have a ride home, when we really hadn't talked about that at all... in fact, I'm not sure why he thought I had a ride home.... so, I'm thinking, anyone here left that I know and feel comfortable getting a ride home from? nope.
so I call and scott's grumpy "i thought you had a ride... alright... i'll come pick you up...." and then i see john-o. "hi john-o!"
"hi" (by the way, the setting is outside of the PAC on the sidewalk)
"could i get a ride home from you?" I said it extremely quickly and proubly rather quietly 'cuz I'm feeling rather embarrased at this point, and i'm pretty sure i had my hands clasped togethor (or very nearly since I had stuff in 'em) in some sort of pleading supplication
"what?" he looked confused
"i'm sorry- could i-uhm.... possibly... get a... ride-home-from-you?" I'm nervous here... the most i ever say to him is "hey john-o! what's my name?" and "how are you?" and "haven't seen you in awhile!" and "well, see ya later! have a nice day!" pretty generic... however, since he's a member of the church (even if he is inactive... what a silly-billy....) i guess i feel more comfortable going out of my acquaintance comfort zone thingie.... did any of that make sense to you? well, anyhow... back to our regularly scheduled conversation...
john-o responds slowly, giving me a quizzical look "uhm... if you really need one"
i wince- why did i wince?? probably because i was embarrassed (it didn't help that when i was having difficulties in the restroom after the play i heard john-o come up to christine in the foyer and then a few seconds later hear her say "IBS... I-B-S... I..B...S...!!" and I can just imagine her fingerspelling it as she says it to Davy Jones knows who, hopefully not John-o 'cuz I don't know him well enough to have him know that... or maybe I do, and it's just different to have someone else tell someone that I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome... well anyhow, I was embarrased enough from that, so putting myself in an embarrasing situation just maximized my embarrasment... ugh!) "yeah... I really do... need a ride" i feel like i'm apologizing
he looks at me slowly and narrows his eyes like he's thinking- gad-dungit! why do you have to take so long to answer! if you're gonna gimme a ride i need to call my step-dad and tell him that!! "where do you live?"
"about five minutes from here?"
..."which way?"
"that way" I point
"uhm... okay"
i apologize for asking and explain (not very well) that my step-dad didn't know he was supposed to pick me up and... i'm not sure i made sense.... so i quickly call scott back, "i'm just about to leave right now, cassanndre" he says
"no no no- i have a ride! you don't need to..... from who- from john-o.... John-O!... he's... a guy in the stake. yeah- i'm sure. yeah. okay. thanks. you're welcome. okay. bye" john-o's just watching me, and I'm praying that he doesn't think i'm some sort of crazy person who randomly asks people she doesn't know very well for rides and likes to take advantage of their driving skills...
I sigh in relief as we walk towards his car... wait as he unlocks it and climb in, moving a receipt on the passenger seat out onto the floor with its kindred reciepts.
"sorry, my car's a mess" everyone says that when there's just stuff lying around like that
"oh no- it's like my mom's"
silence. he backs up and turns in the direction to get out of the parking lot.
i tell him, as i had a few minutes earlier, that "i really enjoyed the play. it was pretty cool"
"it was stressful"
i look at him- "oh yeah- you had to learn it pretty quick didn't you?"
John-O nods. "yeah, in a week, on top of school and everything..." and he kind of mumbles there, or maybe my brain just short circuited 'cuz I could have sworn he said internet and classes or something... I directed him to the Savana neighborhood, and then tried to clarify his classes- online at greenriver? is that what you said? no? oh, highline, cool. yeah, that sounds like it would be hard to memorize all that with your classes. It was, he says. Silence. Again. I shift in my seat. This is sooo uncomfortable! I barely even know this guy- most of what I know from him is second-hand, like an older sibling that handed down their used clothes, friends have handed down information about him to me. How else would I know he's been inactive for a year? I didn't until tonight when Christine told me... ugh. I feel slow. And John-O is driving just how I feel- slow. And hesitant. I realze that I haven't told him what to do after turning into the neighborhood. I instruct him on where to turn next and that it's not for a little bit. "oh okay" he says and speeds up to a more steady pace.
in retrospect, i could have said many things to ease the tension. i could have pointed out that he got a goatee since the last time i saw him (i think he looks better w/ it that he did w/out it, actually... i always thought he looked kinda funny, but with the goatee thingie he looks... good-looking), I could have talked about how during the play I wondered if some of the pretend mess-ups were real ones. About how I missed a bit after the intermission (leaving out the fact that I was in the bathroom and my stomach hurt really really bad at that time) and what happened during the very beginning of act two? I could have commented on the British accents and confessed that I am hopeless when it comes to imitating accents... or that my brother is hopeless as well, except for he doesn't quite know it yet.
And to any of these, John-O would have responded with something rather funny to say, and I would have laughed and felt more at ease.
But of course, that didn't happen, because I was preoccupied at how peculiar it was to be getting a ride home from him. I felt slightly awkward when I was alone in the car with Blake once, and he's one of my really good friends. And plus, my mind was in a flurry and I really wasn't thinking clearly.
It ended just fine, John-O got confused and remarked on figuring out how to get to my house- "that's tricky" and pulled in. I thanked him much for the ride and told him I really appreciated it. "no problem" he says easily, and I began to believe it and have my anxiety alleviated.
Having typed that all out now, I am reasonably sure that when I asked for a ride home John-O didn't think I was some crazy person. I think he was just surprised. I mean, really, it's not like he was expecting it or anything. And my abrupt, anxious manner- yeah, that probably didn't help at all with clarifying things, it probably just surprised and confused him more. So I need not fear that he thinks I'm a freak, I think once he figured out what was going on, I was a normal, fairly unconfusing, person again. Oh goody.
That goatee thing works pretty well for him.
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