how are you?

It's really quite an innocent question. I promise. I ask it all the time, and then ask it again two minutes later because I can't quite recall if I had already. And for some reason, it seems vitally important to me that I make sure to ask someone how he/she is. If I don't, they might think that I don't care about them or something awful like that! Oh the horror... or something akin to it.

For as much as I like to ask the question, I have recently developed a distaste to people asking me how I am. I may even start replacing this question in my own speech. What does it really matter if I don't ask someone "how are you?" or "how's it going?" every time I see them? I do it only because I want to let that person know I care, and I really am (at least usually) genuinely interested in how their life is going. However, maybe I just need to trust that if I can express my concern some other way and get a conversation started, people will tell me how they are without even being asked. Especially if something is on their mind. Why should I force it? It will come out when it's ready, and the telling of it will (generally speaking) be much more beneficial in that situation than in one in which I poked and prodded for information.

But I digress. The reason I dislike people asking me "how are you?" is because despite being programmed by our culture to offer the standard "fine. you?" and brush over it as being just a formality, a common salutation;- I often cannot just dismiss the question. I feel an urge to answer it honestly, if not succinctly. I see the question as more than just culture-programmed-greeting, almost as rhetoric. I see it as a real desire for information (that is how I employ it). I see it as an opportunity for conversation and bonding or something cheesy like that. Perhaps I put too much weight on those poor three words. Perhaps it is more than they are meant to bear with each and every use. Despite this, every time these three words cross me, I can't help but think "But surely I owe you an accurate answer!"
It's not so much that it's a nuisance to try and give an accurate answer- I don't mind tangents, and summaries, and rambling stories (the sorts of answers one might get if people took the time to "accurately" answer our favorite loaded question). The problem is that as of late I never know what to say! I don't know whether to tell the truth, or to lie.
Yes, yes- my gut screams at me-- lying is bad! But honestly, if I were to answer truthfully everytime someone asked me how I was, it would very well have the potential to get depressing. The most promising accurate answer looks something like this:
"Oh, not too bad today, actually. I only have a little headache, and my nausea isn't all that bad today! If this keeps up, I may even brave solid food for breakfast!"
Less promising is something like this:
"You know what? I don't know. I think I might be getting a migraine. I also feel incredibly nauseous and might have to go throw up in a few minutes, which kind of sucks because then if I were to take my migraine medicine it would just come back up and not do me any good."
First place on the sucky-answer-o-meter would be:
"Not good. I just puked my guts out for the second time in an hour, and it was really hard work, so now my asthma's acting up and I have to use my inhaler, which is annoying because it doesn't seem to be working and the more I spray it, the more shaky I get- and I was already shaking and shivering before the danged inhaler! I also feel kind of light-headed, tired, and really weak. [there's a reason I'm holding on to this chair in between inhaler spurts. it's because i feel like i need the support, or grounding, that a chair can offer.] My headache seems to be less for now, but I'm wondering if that's because it's actually better, or just because I threw up. In the case of the latter, I hope I'm not getting a migraine..."

Yes, exactly- there is a very pronounced disadvantage to answering the "how are you?" question accurately.
I don't want to be the sort of person that always complains about her illness. I don't want to be making people feel bad for me every time they ask me how I'm doing. I don't want to revel in my health problems. It's just no fun- yes, even with a sense of humor it gets old!
But what to do?
My other dilemma is if I just say "fine", "good", etc. when I'm not actually doing "fine" or "good". In all actuality, I feel quite the opposite.
I can say I'm good, and really mean it- as far as my mental, emotional, and spiritual statuses go, and honestly, that usually doesn't get me in any trouble. Sometimes, however, saying I'm doing well can lead to some trouble. Especially when people actually believe me.
For example, if I don't manage to get something done because I was fighting the urge to reject my lunch, or the urge to drop everything and go find a pitch-black, noiseless room to go take a nap in, people may get upset and ask why I didn't complete such-and-such-task. When I respond "I'm not feeling well" they look at me dubiously and seem to be saying, "but you said you were feeling well!"
To which I almost want to put my hands firmly on my hips and angrily respond, "and you believed me?! I only said it because I didn't want to complain! I neever feel good physically. The variance isn't in feeling good and bad, but in what level of bad I feel and how tolerable it is and how well I am able to be my happy self in spite of it! Get used to it and don't get mad at me when I can't get everything done because I'm dealing with whatever health problem I have to deal with!!"
(What we have here is a failure to communicate. (One of my grandpa's favorite movies.))
But that would be unkind and uncalled for. But you get the idea. You understand my frustration, right?

I have lately taken to responding to the offending question in one of the following manners:
"I'm happy!"
"You know what? Life is really good."
"Hmm... I don't feel my best, but I'm doing quite well up here" (tap my head)

When friends ask me and I happen to be feeling worse than normal, I respond with my own little joke:
"How do you mean? Mentally or physically?"
this one usually takes them by surprise. I can see the gears churning in their heads as they think "is there supposed to be a difference?"
I laugh and answer my own question, "I'm really not feeling my best. But life is good, and I'm happy and that's what matters."
In these situations, I can't help but feel like I'm trying to convince myself of it just as much as my audience.

It really isn't that difficult of a question to answer- even with my dilemma. As demonstrated above, there are ways to answering succinctly, accurately, pleasantly, happily, and still fall within the realms of culturally appropriate.
Hi! How are you?

Nonetheless, I'd rather not bother.
Hi! I'm so happy to see you!!