...worth it...

I wish I could put something insightful here. I feel like writing. I just don't know what to write about- while still having it mean something.
I've been thinking about "the future". 1) Where I'm going for school next year- tho I will probably stay home and finish off my AA. 2) If I will still be sick or not, and if (at least mostly) not, 3) Where I will work. I've been thinking I'd like to get trained as a CNA and find some sort of job as one (hopefully not in a nursing home- those places just kinda give me the heebie-jeebies), but I just recently started thinking about being a paraeducater. I think I would like being a para-ed, since that's almost what I was when I volunteered a lot in the spec. ed department last year. I have over 200 hours volunteering there, I think, and the teachers love me, so I think it wouldn't be too difficult to get a job as a para-ed for spec. ed at the local school district. Getting trained as an EMT is also an idea- one my step-dad finds particularly good (partly because he's currently being trained as one for his work in emergency management). I would like, possibly even love it. It would be great. However, getting trained to be an EMT is a lot more intensive and expensive than CNA training and passing the para-ed test combined. It would be great, but might be worth it putting off until I wouldn't have to worry so much about the cost.
We'll see how it all turns out. Heavenly Father will take care of me. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and also that trials are for my benefit. I can learn a lot from being sick, so I'd better take advantage of the opportunity. I guess that's the idea, for me, behind blogging. Sorting out what's going, what I think and feel about it, and- most importantly- what I can learn from it.
There are a lot of things I could complain about, but in the long run, complaining won't get me anywhere. That pretty much means I can't justify complaining. Dangit. (I'll probably still try and get away with it, though.)
So, what have I learned so far?
A good deal about health care, medicine, and my own body. I've learned what it's like to have people doubt your intentions. I've seen how wonderfully kind/compassionate/caring people can be, and thusly had wonderful experiences that I really wouldn't trade for anything. I've come to understand, at least a bit, how scary it is to be isolated from one's community. I'm learning how to take things as they come; to not try and micromanage every aspect of my life; to trust that Father has a plan for me. I'm learning about how to rely on other people for some things, and from that I hope to learn how to be reliable for others. I'm learning compassion and empathy. I've learned what it's like to have hopes dashed, plans changed. I'm learning a new system to evaluate a person's "worth". I'm learning to value the moment, and milk it for all I can- especially if it's a moment when I feel (comparatively) well. I'm learning how to be a realist, while still maintaining optimism. I'm learning how to smile when I feel like crap.
I'll come out of this a better person. The time that I can't serve or help others now will be more than made up for when I am well again and can use my new arsenal of knowledge to help people in ways I couldn't have without that "wealth of wisdom". Remembering that helps me, especially when I start to beat myself up about the things I'm not doing (can't do).
I just have to remember the thing that matters most about being sick- if this experience enables me to help/serve even one person, it will be worth it.