from: 23 Dec. 2007 Sunday~ late @ night
Well, there could be several reasons, I suppose. Like- it's late. I'm getting tired. I could be getting a migraine. Christmas Eve is tomorrow, which means the start of several crrrazy days in a row. I miss a few friends of mine. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Oh, it could be the nausea. And my youngest sister was driving me nuts not too long ago. Or maybe I'm just restless.
Erm... All of the above?
Christmas
Hmm... Well, first thought: It's not that I don't like Christmas. I really quite love it. "It's the most wonderful time of the year." But when it comes to the actual Day and days surrounding, it's somewhat stressful. This, I think, is largely due to the many demands made on me by family. That's not the best way to phrase it... Better would be- the familial obligations demanding appeasement. That sounds more close to how I mean it. I don't know what a non-busy Christmas is like. I kind of envy my friend who stays home and just hangs with her family on Christmas Eve and Day. Or even just the people who go to visit a grandparent on Christmas Eve or Day and don't have much else going on.
I love being with my family-- all of them, but having to go here and there and spend a certain amount of time with people (partly 'cuz that's the tradition, and partly 'cuz I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings)... that's rough. It doesn't make for a very relaxing Christmas. I'm used to it- that's just how my Christmases go. This year, however, I think I'm more sensitive to it. I think it's just a combination of "growing up" and my being sick.
health (and christmas/business)
It's quite easy to blame a lot of the unease on my health: I've been worried enough about wearing myself down as it and I can count on feeling the effects of a single "full" day on my body for at least a day or two afterwards-- these two things make me concerned about going going going Today, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. (Thus why I will probably seek respite for awhile at a prime location.) There will be down time- as in sitting down, but even that requires interacting with people and at least some mental acuity- all of which can be quite tiring, especially when combined with noise and a lack of chances to nap. There will also be the worrying- will I get a migraine? What possible triggers for a migraine are around? Which ones can I avoid? Which ones can I not avoid? How nauseous am I? How much is wise to eat? What is wise to eat? Should I eat? What's the best way to succinctly explain my nutrition drink while also avoiding the attention of "poor you"? How should I handle myself if I need to go vomit? How do I do it the most inconspicously? How do I avoid lots of attention over it? What happens if I get a migraine- do I try and leave the whole group, or tough it out? Should I take some ketorolac/excedrin/acetaminophen/dr. pepper to try and hold it off until I have the time and oppurtunity to deal with it-- and the rebound headache that would most likely ensue? That's really not the best thing for me in the long run- especially since I did such for the ACT (which resulted in the expected consequences) and would be doing such for more than just one day. It's quite a good solution-- short term; but long term it's just digging myself more into a hole of difficulty-ness to treat my migraines. It's a very tricky and annoying balancing act.
The smartest thing to do would probably be to avoid NSAIDs and caffeine. Limit my food indulgences- keeping nutrition drinks as my staple. Giving the Relpax another try. Perhaps finding some Sprite. Remembering to read my scriptures (something I haven't been doing well on) and say my prayers. Maybe give the Fenergen another try. And set aside time to rest- especially when my body is telling me it needs to. This would mean going into a seperate room for half an hour or so just for quiet, dark, and alone time- even when at family gatherings and whatnot. Trying to not operate on too wacky of a sleep schedule. And allowing myself time to talk to my Dear People who help when I don't feel well.
This really should be my day-to-day operating rules. (replacing relpax and fenergan for whatever the doctor is having me try as time and the process of elimination progress.) I think, then, that I will change the color or something of the above just to emphasize its importance then. OK well then, that will be my plan. Perhaps I should write it down and stick in my purse/wallet/scrips or something so that I remember to follow it...
Perhaps that will help me to lessen the stress of Christmas and enjoy it more. Indeed, I think it will-- I feel much better now having this course of action set.
It makes me think of Bella from Twilight, who, when in a difficult situation, suffers most while trying to decide what course of action to pursue, but once that course of action is decided- she sticks to it, doesn't deviate, and the u"ber-suffering part of the situation is past. I think I am becoming more and more like that. I like it.
Hmm... I feel better. Anxiety decently abated. It seems that Christmas+stress+health is what was bothering me most.
some thoughts on love
Elder Groberg gave a talk in 2004 (I believe that's the right year and 'twas Oct) and he talked about God's love and how great it is when we experience something reflective of that love here on Earth. Such love is what we are all born with an innate longing for. Finding it fills us and brings a sense of joy, purpose, and completeness that cannot be otherwise found. Our Father in Heaven and our Saviour- Their love is, of course, the greatest. Love that reflects that, though, is still very great, powerful, and beautiful.
I would like to note that there are many friends for whom I feel an affinity towards. There is an easy love which, with work, time and diligence, could bloom into something quite lovely. This easy love seems reflective of our Father's love. It is, I think, how He wants us to feel and care for the rest of His children. It is what promotes that feeling of unity and well-being.
What a wonderful thing is Love!
Okay, it's late/early and I should do some dishes, laundry, and get to sleep. I will post (parts) of this onto blogger later- when the parental control isn't blocking internet access (heh).
Merry Christmas... Eve.
And ah!- I love babbling in type! It's so nice to flesh out- at least somewhat- the many ideas that roam around inside my brain! Hrmm... perhaps that's why they say it's good to keep a journal. :-o
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