Okay, so it's really late/early?--early, and, you guessed it, I woke up and can't sleep! So... some unstractured babbling is in order, just for the heck of it. (that is my warning to anyone to whom whether or not the babbling is structured or not matters)
I like sleeping- I wish my schedule weren't getting all wonky. I hope it doesn't mess up Christmas for me too much- I mean, as in spending time with my family and friends and whatnot.
Ha.... a friend of mine made me laugh today when Friend called to ask about Mutual Buddy. It's kinda weird that I know Mutual Buddy better than Friend does, tho as to why that is weird I'm sorry, but I won't say.
My step-dad's watch alarm just went off 'cuz it's hit the hour.
I fixed my alarm clock back to the normal time (I messed it up when I was setting the alarm the other day- suffice it to say that the alarm didn't do me any good in that instance).
I'm wondering at my mental state this past week. The week, overall, is somewhat of a big Blur. Maybe it's just because I have been home almost the entire time with nothing terribly eventful occurring... or maybe it's because of near back-to-back migraines which leave me in a mental Fog.
Honestly, I'm prone to think it's a little of both.
The first half or so of the week I could really quite easily tell that my mental condition was, well, not quite up to par. That was fairly interesting. It reminded me somewhat of when I was on the Topadope- thinking not so clear and whatnot. I also didn't talk much many of the days. That was either due to me being home alone, or with migraine. A few times I babbled pretty normally, but that was mostly on the phone- which phoning was usually made when I had to do dishes or something and needed someone to talk to in order to distract me enough from my body so I could perform said chore.
My family isn't so good at that task. Brother will sometimes babble well for me, Sister- when not otherwise occupied- is actually rather good at it, Second Sister.... erm, I don't ask her, Stepdad ... haven't asked him either, Mom is usually too tired.... So I often resort to friends for said task. I'm grateful for their willingness to oblige.
I went shopping with a Friend yesterday and that was interesting- thinking/conversationing-wise- because she would be talking about something and I'd find that any reply I could think of really didn't add or mean anything, so I was just silent and listened and people-watched as we walked along. This may be somewhat strange for me- to sort of filter what I say like that, I suppose, and/or to have nothing to say (in response)- and so Friend at some point stopped and looked at me. "Are you okay" Erm, yeah, why? "'cuz you haven't been saying anything." Oh. Whoops. I guess I need to work more on my 'uhms' and 'yeahs'- I think I'm starting to loose them. And then later, "Are you alright?" ....Yeah, why? "You look sad." Oh, really? Huh that's funny....
The last was actually pretty interesting to me. It's happened a few times to me, where someone looks at me and says "you look (insert emotion here)" and I say, really? 'Cuz that's not how I feel- not in the slightest. Weird. Perhaps when I'm thinking about stuff and being more internal about it whatever I'm thinking or feeling doesn't make it out to my face. I think that might be it- the internal part of it all.
SlEeP lIsT
Okay, for fun, I'll give a little list of things that my mind often wanders towards while I try to go to sleep:
-this or this
-these
-this/this, these, and wishing for one of these that worked
-impendingness of this, unless it's already come, then I would be thinking about about one or more interesting things.
-my people
-things relating to this
OK, I'll go pick one or more of those now.
Good night/morning.
Note: Sorry if the grammar, punctuation, wording, etc. are a bit unorthodox/strange/ambiguous-- it's late/early and my thought-to-normal speech translator isn't at its normal capacity. Of course, as you've noticed above, I'm sure, said translator hasn't been functioning at its best most of the week. :)
3 comments:
hey you, i think that you need to think of different things when you're trying to get to sleep.
really now? hah... well, some of them aren't bad, y'know. but ha, you might have a point there. what do you think of when you try to sleep?
what do i think of? blankness. or the sensation of swimming in a big vat of honey (or something else nice and thick). i just get comfy and zonk out--most of the time. then there's the times where my mind is a million places at once. at those times, if my usual methods don't work, i just think out the thoughts and try to get to sleep. i'm not sure how that works. thankfully that doesn't happen a lot.
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