falling asleep

Thank you.
I love you.
Hope you slept well.
Have a nice day.
~Cass

Sometimes I can't sleep. It happens more often than I'd like to admit. Some days I spend the majority of my day putting around, wishing I was sleeping. Then, when sleep-time rolls around, I find my body feeling too weird to sleep. I may be completely "out of it" mentally, and still unable to fall asleep.
This is when late night telephone calls are helpful.
And this is another moment when I find myself missing Roo. She knows what it's like- and more. And she was up at odd hours of the night so I could call her whenever and it would be alright to talk to her. The more time passes since she passed, the more I realize what she was to me. And what I'm missing from her now.
So I find myself very grateful for those friends of mine who step up and are willing to take on some of the roles that she was to me- even if they don't realize that's what they're doing.
I look at myself and how I miss those roles, and I see myself wandering around, trying to find someone or something to fill that spot- nay, those spots- which was before filled by Roo.
Perhaps that's where the blog-reading came from. I can't pick Roo's brain about health problems, nor for a cornucopia of medical information, insight, thoughts, etc. Maybe I use the blog reading to fill in for that.
Or maybe it's just a new hobby. I don't know.
Maybe that's why I found myself calling a certain friend when I can't sleep. I did it one day last week during the afternoon, and I did it last night around the time that most normal people are sleeping.
I started to ask what my friend was doing (I wanted to make sure I hadn't interrupted anything) and Friend reminded me that I was in no place to be asking such questions since I was the one who had called at the funny hour.
Oh right. Well, that makes sense.
I feel like crap, I said. That didn't really describe how I felt in all minutae (I'd felt worse- as in, more pain- before; this seemed to be more of a different brand of feelings of unwell-ness), but it did get the very general, unspecific idea across.
And I was hoping you wouldn't mind just talking to, or at, me. Really. Just talk for awhile, please. Even if I don't follow what you're saying, sometimes just having someone there for me- in whatever way they fill that capacity- is enough to distract me.
So, my friend talked. Friend was a bit surprised at discovering that I really, in all actuality, didn't intend to do much talking myself, but being the good friend, didn't mind.
And curses if Friend didn't eventually get me to talk! No matter that I was totally out of it (my mental state was somewhat reminiscent of how I was after being drugged up for endo/colonoscopy)- I ended up speaking whole paragraphs at a time! (or at least it felt like such)
Friend is able to get my mind off me and how sick I feel, or how confused I am at my body. Friend is able to get me to think of other things. Friend soothes me so I can stop fretting, and fall asleep.
And, curses, but my friend fell asleep on the phone. That was my job!
So just in case Friend was awake enough to hear me, I said goodnight.
I love you. alot. ... Very much so.
Thank you. Sleep well. 'night.

I hung up.
And fell asleep.